Monday, December 21, 2009

I'm Not A Big Dude

I was watching an episode of "Lockup" on MSNBC the other night. They were showing the Adseg unit in some prison somewhere. All of the staff there looked like bodybuilders. Most of the guys had upper arms the size of my thighs and the one woman they had on their crew looked like she could take Rocky Balboa in a single round.

Me, I'm 6' tall and weight 185 pounds. I'm not a weightlifter. I work out with 5 pound weights when I do work out, looking for more tone than mass. Just trying to keep in a little shape and not get flabby.

As Sgt LB pointed out, except for Ms Maybe up in the bubble, I'm the smallest guy on the crew. Heck, she might even have me by a few pounds, but I wouldn't even suggest that to her face. I suspect that Big Mess might have the spot for biggest with BG right behind him. It would be close and I would hate to see those two arm wrestle. I'm sure the table wouldn't survive the bout. Even KP has me on height and size. Not bad for an old fart.

But as Sgt Brigadier pointed out the other day when he was down in the Hive, it's not what you can do, but what you will do. I have seen great big guys who weren't work a tinkers damn in a scrap. I, however, have the tendency to dive right in to a dustup, heedless of any possible consequences.

I'm sure that is going to get me seriously hurt one of these days.

But on the other hand, the offenders know that even though I am not the biggest guy on the crew I am the one most likely to introduce someone to Officer Concrete. If I am going to get into a mess, I want it to end as quickly as possible and they know if they go up against me they are going to end up getting all banged up. I don't fool around when it comes to that sort of thing. If I have to put my hands on one of them, it's usually going to go bad.

After a use of force, the Lieutenants and Captains always want to second-guess what we did. "Why did you do it that way?" My answer is always "It needed to be done and I did it the quickest way I could think of. It needed to stop and I stopped it."

That doesn't make me a bada**. I don't really like having to do it. For the most part.

I just like to be efficient, I guess.


  1. Since you brought up "Lockup" on MSNBC, maybe you can devote a post to how accurate it is. I'm a regular watcher of the show and I wonder how "real" it is. And, how accurately it reflects on the CO's. I like the show and it reminds me why I'm not going to prison.

  2. Officer Concrete is your friend. I'm also a fan of Officer Gravity, Momentum, and "Irresistible Force Meets Immovable Object".

    Naturally on Lockup they make it look quite professional, but sometimes, it's just a flat out brawl or big pile when wrestling with these guys. We're not, for the most part, big muscle bound guys, expert in martial arts, so we have accumulated over time a bag of tricks to augment out training. Remember, these inmates workout all day long and some are pretty damn good boxers and mixed martial arts practitioners. We need every advantage we can get.

  3. Joe- I'm not an avid watcher but I do catch the occasional episode. From what I have seen, it's pretty accurate, but you also have to take into account that they officers and the offenders both knew the cameras were there and acted accordingly. The officers tried to look as professional as possible and some of the inmates tried to look innocent and the rest wanted to act the fool for the camera. I'm willing to bet if there was a way to bring in cameras without anybody's knowledge, it would be quite a different show.

    BA- That's why I teamed up with BG. He is both an irresistible force and an immovable object all in one package.