Friday, December 31, 2010

In The Air Tonight

There was something in the air, all right. I don't know what it was but I don't know if I should try to bottle it or have it declared illegal.

All kind of silliness and giggling going on over the radio waves. I strongly suspect that there will be a new round of staff urine tests going on real soon.

They had me scheduled to work with Sgt Archer and Mr Peepers. I've never actually worked with Peepers, I've just encountered him a few times and have heard some stories that made me scratch my head. Someone told me he used to be some sort of airplane mechanic.

Another good reason to never fly in an airplane ever again.

I begged Lt Pagliacci to give me somebody who knew what they were doing out there, so he sent me Ham. I can work with Ham. He's nutty as a granola bar but he can be trusted and knows his way around the place like nobody's business.

And now that Sausage bid off utility, I think Ham is our senior utility officer.

A bit windy, but a good man to have around.

And that (mumble mumble) Archer was on Dog Team training this afternoon so he didn't come in. They sent us Sgt Smiley instead. Not a bad guy for a sergeant. Pleasant enough. He just practices that "I'm lost" thing so we do most of the work for him and he doesn't have to do all that much.

It works for him.

Right as mainline is starting we get a call that one of the wobbleheads is checking in and needs to go to the Hive. Heck. I'm the closest one, I'll get it. No big deal.

While I'm escorting they pull Goosey out to call in the rest of the houses and get them fed. By the time I get back from the Hive the last of them are leaving.

I said "Holy snap. Was I gone that long?" Goosey says "Nope. It was just a crappy meal so I got them in and out quick, that's all."

Man! How come that never works for me?

So Sgt Smiley is going up to Central after chow is over. I'm taking the cart back up to the shack so I can eat my dinner. It's a misty drizzling rain and the wind is blowing in all directions. The windshield on the cart is scratched up so that it's hard to see through it when it's dry, let alone covered with rain drops.

I lean around the windshield to see and my glasses are immediately spattered with rain.

Then "thump!" I hit something.

I thought I ran over one of those cats that's always hanging around the chow hall.

I look back and see one of the out of bounds poles laying on the ground. It's a 4x4 about four feet long painted black. In the dark and in the rain I didn't see it.

Sgt Smiley walks up and says "Hey, you hit that pole."

Gee, thanks, Sarge!

I load the pole up on the cart and take it up to central and do the paperwork and fill out a work order to get it fixed. And in the meantime I have to listen to Pagliacci and Gerber give me rations of snit for running it over. Then they make me load this four foot pole on my shoulder and take it over to the contraband room in 25 house so I can lock it up.

When I walk into 25 house with this thing on my shoulder half of the inmates scurry away and the other half start calling me "Postman" and "Walking Tall".

I knew it was going to be a long night. It was.

Coming back in from doing the Del Norte walk, Sgt Puddle calls me up into the Control Center and says he wants to introduce me to a new employee.

And there in the corner sits Vinnie wrapped in toilet paper with streamers coming off of his hat like some sort of Tim Burton bridesmaid's gown. He has christmas ornaments hanging from his earlobes and one from the center of his chest, pulling down the toilet paper wrapping and making him look like he has cleavage.


I was just going to walk up to the chuck hole and say "There seems to be a bit of tomfoolery in the air tonight!"

But by that time it would have been a severe and ludicrous understatement.

I get back out on the yard in time to help with count, then get called for one more escort. One more wobblehead checking in from his cellie.

And off to the Hive I go with my new passenger, hopefully for the last time of the evening.

What was it the list said about today? Oh yeah. Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day.

I could really use a bicarbonate of soda right about now. I'll settle for some tums and tylenol instead.

And tomorrow is Unlucky Day. Joy.

I better stock up on the tums.


  1. Unlucky Day? WFT??
    Happy New Year to you! Be safe!

  2. Tango- I'm just going by the list. And a happy new year to you. Keep it upright!