Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Walking Into Something

I've mentioned and skirted around some of the things that amuse us at work.

Some of the things have been pretty scary.

We're kind of a twisted bunch, if you can't tell.

And there have been things that, taken out of context, have made even me want to go home and duck back under the covers.

And that takes some doing.

I've walked into a few conversations that made me just stand there with my jaw flapping and at a total loss for words. And for those of you who know me, you know that that kind of thing just doesn't happen to me very often. I've usually got something to say about everything. Like Mrs. Peacock and my friend Vinnie I tend to have Pressure of Speech. Other people just call me a motor-mouth. A friend of mine once told me I have Groucho-itis. Meaning I always had to have the punch line. But sometimes I am left with nothing to work with. Usually I can take a line and burn out like Walter Payton running for the goal line.

Sometimes I just have to turn around and go back to try again later.

Here's a few odd examples:

When I woke up, it was all blue and just hanging to one side like a deflated balloon.

And he said "Why is there bacon in the soap???"

If it wasn't for that damn horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college!

You know... if you gave me one, then we'd both have one and we'd both be happy!

My mother never told me anything about that, so the first time I just looked stupid.

Next time, don't take her into the bathroom first. Wait until the game is over.

And she asked me "Does it always wiggle around like that?"

Like the man said: "You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em." And I just say "Wow" and run the other way in defeat.


  1. Bacon in the soap? I'm guessing a muslim or Morrish american convict claiming that the prison is sneaking pork in to the state soap.

  2. I've heard complaints from the muslims and the MST's about saying they are using pork fat in the soap, yes. But in this situation, it was actually a staff member quoting from the cartoon "Invader Zim". It caught me completely sideways hearing that. Sometimes I think they hear me coming and try to bushwack me with something I can't reply to. It works, on occasion.