Monday, March 2, 2009

Other Peoples Children

I've never really been what you would call a "people person". I tend to be rude and very sarcastic and usually not afraid to speak my mind when I see or hear something that I deem is below the average intelligence quotient. Like Gallagher used to say "When I see stupid, I gotta say something."

I have a short fuse and a hot temper. I will get right in someones face and cuss them out for phenomenal stupidity and I tend to throw things.

Yet for some strange reason, I always end up raising or helping to raise, other peoples kids. It's bizarre.

I've never seen myself as a father figure. All of my life, I just couldn't see it happening. I looked at myself and thought "Ye gads. I don't want to see a kid growing up with me as an example. Earth itself would be doomed."

Yet it keeps happening. And the older I get, it seems to be happening more and more.

And now I'm in a house with 175 children. Some of whom are older than I am. A few of them are almost the same age as my daughter. Let's not think about her, the poor thing.

I remember thinking when I first got hired on that I'd spend my time patrolling a fence with a shotgun, or walking the yard and searching for weapons or breaking up fights.

I obviously had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into.

Now I find myself again as a surrogate father. Telling them to behave or they'll get no rec. Telling them to stop doing whatever it was they were doing or I'd put them on time out. Reminding them to call their mother. Making them clean up their rooms. Telling them not to hang out with "those" kids because it will just get them into trouble....

And occasionally doing the same thing for other staff. Many of whom are half my age. Seems like I'm stuck raising some of them, too. They don't listen much better than the inmates do, most days.

Theodore Geissel (the late great Dr. Suess, who had no children of his own) once said "Other people have children. I just entertain them." An admirable statement, I think. Myself, I would say "Other people have children and screw them up. I'm here to thump them when they get stupid."

I'm still under the impression that the world would be a much calmer place if I was kept as far away from it as possible.

I may be wrong, tho.


  1. Oh come on rev........We need you!I can only do so much myself. simple things like telling a kid to call someone Mister * instead of *joe*....Help an old lady on with her heavy winter the door for the teacher carring 6 large boxes.

  2. i'm convinced people are in prison because they were not properly raised in the first place.

    just ask them "who's yer daddy now".

  3. Don't forget your blog children. We sit at your feet and listen to your horror stories.

  4. Loopy- Common courtesy could have/should have been instilled gently when they were youngsters. Now it needs to be drilled in with a large stick. But they won't let me carry one.

    g- Unfortunately, I know who their Daddy is. It's the big pissed off guy pacing back and forth out on the yard waiting for his bi*ch to get back out of the hole.

    Guy- I'm just the visiting uncle who entertains now and then. I shouldn't even be allowed to raise rabbits.