Friday, February 6, 2009

Looking Good Vs The Rules

Ok, so I'm not as good looking as G.I. Joe. No biggie. Hell, I'm not even as flexible as him.

But I do look good in a turtleneck shirt.

At work we wear black (flammable) polyester pants and ridiculously uncomfortable (but not as flammable) cotton/poly/ wool blend sky blue shirts. All made, of course, by the very inmates who hate us and want us to look ridiculous and be, preferably, dead.

When I first started almost six years ago, we were allowed to wear black turtleneck shirts under our uniform. Since wearing a scarf inside the prison is a bad idea for several reasons, a turtleneck was a good option for keeping your neck warm. And if you spent alot of time outside, as I do, then keeping your neck warm becomes a problem.

Well, year before last some bright boy took offense to us wearing the aforementioned turtlenecks and decided to actually look at the policy. Unfortunately for those of us who are prone to cold necks (ie: the ones who don't sit behind a desk all day), the policy states emphatically that nothing but white underclothing (crew necks only) are allowed to be worn under the duty uniform. So thenceforth turtlenecks were banned from the institution.


I made discreet inquiries up the chain of command at the time and the buck was passed higher and higher until it was way past my pay grade. I wrote a polite letter to the Director and never received a reply. I thought about writing to the Governor but figured I didn't want that kind of attention. The old adage about the squeaky wheel getting the grease is sometimes true, but here the squeaky wheel is more likely to get it without grease.

If you know what I mean.

So I guess I'm stuck with all those black turtlenecks in my closet and a chilly adams apple. And if one of you happens to be lunching with the Director one of these fine afternoons, would you ask him if we can do something about this?

Just don't mention my name, K?


  1. What? The red flannel longjohns with the trapdoor are out too? Guess you'll you just have to stand in the toilet to warm up. (Don't laugh, we seen this!)

  2. Wow, ....did you check the code to see if there was a ban on "dickies". Turtleneck without the shirt, man.

    (oholokic) <-- how Auntie spells alcoholic after too many drinks.

  3. No flannels, no dickies. Just white undershirts. Of course, they will take my thermals from my cold cold dead hands....

  4. Would love to see you in your flannels...almost as much as in that evening gown that was mentioned last week, love.

    (colsa) <-- the spanish word for rectal "jelly"

  5. Between you and BA, you're starting to make me sound like some sort of transvestite lumberjack. What's up with that?

  6. A Lumberjack Tranny? Now you've got me all hot !

    (sonsh)<-- the word "sonshine" as being written by a born again Christian who collapses in mid-word. Lame, I know, but it was hard.

  7. I suggest you go on Youtube and watch Monty Pythons' "Lumberjack Song". That should satisfy your strange cravings, girl. Silly rabbit.