Sunday, February 1, 2009

The DaDimwit Code

Ok, Since you've asked for it. Guy and BA (whom I hope never meet or civilization is doomed) have deviled and chivvied me into revealing a deep deep secret. Never before have these secrets been revealed to the general public.

Not since the dawn of time itself have these words been put on paper for the common man to read. Usually kept deep in a locked vault four miles beneath Ft. Detrick, Maryland I have at great personal peril and expense brought to you:


Baby- An inmate who gives out or sells sexual favors. Usually "run" by a Daddy (who takes a large percentage of whatever the baby brings in.)

Baking A Cake- Getting it on. One way or another or sometimes both. Taking one for the home team. Often referred to as "Hoo boy! He's gettin' wallered out!" And the cell or place where it is happening is often referred to as The Betty Crocker Institute. I could have gone my whole life without seeing (or even writing) that.

Beat- Nothing coming. "You're beat. Go kick rocks."

Block- Where you from. Your crib. Where your homies hang.

Bullets- Not like they sound. Usually tightly packed packages of tobacco, lighters, papers and notes, often hidden in uncomfortable places. Made so they can be smuggled in to places where they aren't supposed to be, like the Adseg unit. I would imagine it's uncomfortable, anyway...

C- Coffee.

Cadillac- Any weighted object, like a bar of state soap or the end of a toothpaste tube, tied to a long string and slid under the door of the cell. The inmates use these to transfer tobacco, lighters, notes, stamps, food and even books and magazines between cells.

Chomo- A child molester. One of the most despised beings in a prison setting. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

Dead man's number- Any younger inmate with a short number. Usually a "recycled" number from an earlier inmate who has passed away. The numbers are kept on file until the person dies.

Demo- This could be anything. You have to take it in context to the conversation. A Demo could be a cigarette, a stamp, a lighter, a box of cereal or a chicken leg. Or anything. It's usually up to you to figure out what the hell he's wanting.

Door Warrior- An inmate who is ten feet tall and covered with hair when the cell door is closed but sniveling in a fetal position when it is open. We get alot of those.

Help Me Out- Bring me some tobacco and coffee and a lighter.

Info- An inmates name and number. Or telephone number. Or home address.

Kiester Bunny- An inmate who secrets bullets of contraband in those uncomfortable places. Sometimes you can tell just by the look on their face that something's "up". Not a pleasant situation to be in for anybody involved.

Kite- A note. You can "shoot them a kite" or "fly them a kite". Also known as a "Scribe".

O.G.- Old Guy. Anybody older than the speaker or who has been around for awhile. Sometimes used as an honorific and sometimes as a curse. Depends on what they think of whoever they are talking about.

People- Usually referring to family on the outside. Or someone who can do them favors, like sending money. If they aint sending money, or pictures or both, then their "peeps" aint doing them no good.

Police- Pronounced "Poe-leese". That's us. We's the police.

Punk- Usually referring to a "baby" but sometimes just used as a curse. Even worse than the way Dirty Harry uses it. A punk is someone who either gives it away for free or has it taken from them on a regular basis. Willingly, or otherwise. Not an enviable appelation.

Roll- A hand rolled cigarette. From thin "pins" to fat "yard rolls". Occasionally referred to as a "demo".

Shank- A prison made weapon. Usually a knife or sharpened piece of metal like a soda can wrapped in tape. Sometimes made from tools stolen from the prison work areas. Nothing you want to come into close contact with.

Sunglasses- A lighter. AKA a flintstone, a light, a flashlight, a spark or a flame. Anything to do with light used in a sentence is referring to a lighter or a way to light a cigarette.

T- Tobacco.

Top- Tobacco. Loose tobacco sold in boxes at the prison canteen. A regular cigarette bought in packs is known as a "tailor".

Wick- A twisted bit of toilet paper set smouldering. You blow on it to get a flame going to light a roll. Also known as a "west side". A handy way to cadillac a light to your partner, if you got a flintstone and he doesn't.

This is a short list of the words I hear every day. You'd think they would have figured out that I know what they are talking about. Now and then I repeat it back to them and they are just flabbergasted that I know what they just said. I guess I'm not as stupid as I look.


  1. So they are allowed tobacco? No so here in Oregon.

    Hey, on the show, Oz, they called packets of heroine "tits" or did I misunderstand.

  2. Guy- yes, the inmates here out in GP are allowed to smoke outside. But the ones in Adseg are not allowed to smoke at all. Smuggling tobacco into my house is one of the biggest moneymaking schemes on the camp.
    And if I'm not mistaken, heroin (in white crystal form) is often referred to as "milk" on the streets. Therefore a packet of such would be referenced to as a tit.

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  4. And my friend FM sent me this correction:
    "O.G. is street gangster slang for Old Gangster.
    Most commonly used to refer to an older black guy but also used in reference to an older male of any color.
    Usage by a white person is almost completely unheard of."

    Some of the white guys use it, but not many. Hell, I've been called O.G. Maybe they were trying to butter me up.

    And I really need to be more awake before I try replying to these things in the morning. Sheesh!

  5. So with all your cameras how do they find a place to screw?

  6. In our hose there are only cameras inside six of the cells. That leaves 94 cells without cameras in the for the little rascals to play hide the bunny. The rest of the cameras are only in the wings and can't see into the cells at all. I'm kind of glad of that.

  7. And that should have been "in our house" not in out hose. I'm a dimwit, apparently.

  8. I has actually forgotten a few of those terms. Guess I'm rehabbed.
    Bundles of dope in the joints I served time in were called matchboxes or spoons.
    I notice you used Wobble Head, one of my favorites, as in "The Wobble Heads are doing the Thorazine shuffle.

  9. You know, I've heard the term matchbox and didn't know what it meant. I'll keep my ears open for it the next time I hear it. And I love watching the thorazine shuffle.

  10. Wow, I missed out on a good post, evidently......I must take note to read your blog no matter what.