Monday, January 19, 2009

Almost, But Not Quite

It wasn't that bad of a day. Compared to yesterday, it was great. Got some rec done. No silliness or stupidity. It was almost eerie.

Then we got to C-wing. It almost happened.

Took out this one offender for rec. He was eligible and wasn't being belligerent or uncooperative, so we had to ask him. He said he wanted to go and cuffed up and went. But I was keeping an eye on him.

Some of you know who I'm talking about. He looks alot like Billy Bob Thorntons' character in "Slingblade". But he doesn't have as much on the ball. Personally I don't know how he was declared competent to stand trial. His mind moves so slow if you bang on the door it takes him thirty seconds to look up and say "What?"

So we took him out and he stood out on the rec yard and talked to the fence for awhile. When it was time to come back in he cuffed up and went in and stood in front of his open cell door and said "I'm not going in there. That's not my cell." I was patient and explained it was his cell and pointed at the door card and said "See? It has your name on it!" At which point he stepped away from the door and looked away from me.

My spider sense began tingling at this point.

I took him gently but firmly by the arm and guided him into the cell, just waiting for him to buck. Got the cell door closed and told him to come up to the door and I'd take his cuffs off. He just stood there and looked at me. I told him three times and even told him step by step to put his hands in the chuck hole and I would take the cuffs off and he just stood there.

At that point I said "Frack it." and closed the chuck hole and walked away. There were other offenders waiting to go back to their cells and I figured he'd get uncomfortable pretty soon and want them off. So I went.

After everyone else was back in I figured I'd go ahead and try one more time. At this point he was standing at the door facing it and I told him to let me have my cuffs back. He said "I want to go to sleep." I said "Fine. Let me take those cuffs off and you can go to sleep." To which he replied "How can I sleep with these cuffs on?"

I honestly didn't know how to respond to that. I couldn't think of a damn thing to say.

After a few seconds I recovered my dignity and tried again to just get the nincompoop to turn around and give me my cuffs. I thought mightily about just reaching through the chuck hole and turning him around but I thought better of it. I'm not reaching in there for a crazy person if I don't have to. Finally I gave up. Surrendered in defeat, said "Frack it" (or something like that) again and walked away. Went down to the sargeants office and told them. It took them about ten minutes of dorking around with him to get him turned at least part of the way around and they mangaed to get my cuffs back.

They're my heroes.

I'm not sure how to score that one in my record book. We won in the end but I think I was kicked out of the game on a technical. I dunno.


  1. Frack, sounds like you've been inspired by the final season of Battle Star Galactic.

  2. I am a lawyer but I am not your lawyerJanuary 20, 2009 at 1:10 PM

    So do we know this guy's diagnosis - is he mentally slow or over medicated?

    (Love you blog, btw.)

  3. Not sure about this cat. We see a lot that have very low IQ's or are the result fetal alcohol syndrome or tramatic brain injuries (gunshots, blunt trauma, etc.). Sometimes the combination of the psych drugs and the their mental problems cause this kind of state, but what can you do? Don't want them choking their cellies out in their sleep. I'm sure a lot is due to heavy medication in otherwise normal offenders, but I'm afraid many are self-medicating, if you know what I mean.

  4. Guy- I think that's where I got that word. They also used to say "feldercarb" or something like that. That takes too long.

    I.A. Lawyer- I don't have access to his medical records or anything. All I can do is guess. And my guess is a little of both. And like B.A. said, alot of these guys "self-medicate" any way they can. They'll cheek their meds and sell them for something else. Or save them up and take them all at once. It's craziness.

  5. I.A. Lawyer- Thanks, btw. You're not one of their lawyers, are you? (grin)