Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Twist Of Fate

So many things happened today and I only really have time to relate one of them. It was such a day that we had to spend half an hour in the parking lot filling each other in on all of the little details that we missed.

And here it it 12:30 am and I have to be at work in 10-1/2 hours. Pfui. Main production. What a pain. But at least I get off at 7:00.

Even though it's already tomorrow I'm going to pretend it's not so I can write all of this in the present tense. Time travel and the syntax required gives me the weevils.

This afternoon right after count an inmate in one of the houses tried, very earnestly, to rehabilitate himself. Don't exactly know why at this point and it's not really germane to the story.

For whatever reason, he waited until they went by his cell for count, then slipped down behind the door to hide. He then slit his wrists with a razor blade and hung his hands over the toilet.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, count was messed up somewhere and they had a recount. When they recounted, they couldn't see anybody in that cell. So they did it again and when they looked closer, they could see his hands and the blood in the toilet.

Apparently it was a very near thing. I was told that another minute or two and he would have gone to that great penitentiary in the sky. But they managed to save him and now he's sitting in the rubber room in the prison up the road with stitches in his wrists and a very disgruntled look on his face.

So with that to start our day off, since they were doing the paperwork for that (loads and loads of paperwork, many a might tree was felled this day) there was a fight on B-yard, a check-in form somewhere and another lock up from 10 house and some idiot in the Hive who needed to go on suicide watch but refused requiring large amounts of pepper spray and a movement team during the 10:00 pm count.

They kept us hopping and hopping mad, as temper were short everywhere. Plus we were already short people because of training and the dog team squad being out and we were shuffled around like cheap plastic dominoes on a finely waxed table all night long.

There are days when we certainly don't get paid enough for what we do and this was one of them.

And that, my friends, is about all I have to say about that. I need to get to bed and try to unwind so I can get up early and do it all over again.

But I will check the calendar before I go. Oh joy, this sounds tempting.

Tomorrow (today) is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day.

That sounds an awful lot like how we generate paperwork. Hoo boy.


  1. "Rehabilitate himself" Geez, that's a chilling euphemism. At least I don't have to ask why he did it.

  2. Bryan- It was the best and most apt euphemism I could come up with.

  3. Is he even a little relieved that he didn't actually die?

  4. Chanel- I heard he was a bit pissed off about it. We're assuming he'll try again. Can't watch him all the time, though.... who knows?