Saturday, March 19, 2011

Looking Down

One thing that working in the prison has taught me is not only to keep my eyes on my surroundings, but also to keep a close eye on the ground.

It's amazing how a few yards of difference can make in the most innocuous thing. I can walk by rusty nails and bits of glass all day long in my own yard (well, I usually do pick them up and casually throw them away at home) and they don't bother me one bit. I'll just say "Whups! Don't wanna run that over with the lawnmower now, do we?" and take care of it.

But inside the fence finding a rusty nail or chunk of glass and it becomes a potential weapon and scares the crap out of me. And I gather them up whenever I see them and make sure that they end up outside the fence.

The prison up north where I started was all built on fill dirt and they weren't all that picky about where it came from. Every time it rained more and more junk and metal shards floated to the surface. Bricks, glass, old tin cans. One day there I pulled an eighteen inch chunk of that metal strapping they use for crates out of the ground. And it was partially rusted on the edges and I couldn't hardly handle it without cutting myself.

It's a dang good thing I keep up on my tetanus shots, eh?

The last week or so since all the snow melted and it's been raining, I have been finding lots of screws and nails out on the yard. Tonight I pulled five of them out of my coat pocket when i got home and threw them in the trash.

And of course, there's still a thousand rocks big enough to bash your head in inside the fence. I could bring one home every day and build a foundation for my shop. A little time and a little cement and there you are...

Hmm.... not a bad idea when you think about it.

On the way out tonight I saw something shiny and picked it up. A chunk of a broken bottle about the size of a silver dollar. And sharp and raggedy all down one side. I said "Oh snap!" and started looking for a place to get rid of it, since I didn't want to stick it in my coat pocket.

And then I realized that I was already outside the fence and it didn't matter. Made me feel like a downright fool. But I tossed it down the storm drain anyhow, just to be safe.

So the lineup for this weekend: Saturday is Poultry Day. This is good because we are having chicken and dumplings for dinner. Even though I'm more of an as* man, I never met a chicken breast I didn't like.

And Sunday is (Ta-tat-ta-ta-ta!!!!!) Proposal Day and Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day. What a marvelous combination, don't you think? Should we just propose to the first alien we see and get it over with? Without all the extraneous probing?

Monday is Fragrance Day. I'm not a big fan of most fragrances. The commercially made ones, anyway. About the only fragrance I can stand is patchouli. It reminds me of some of the coolest people....


  1. That picture of the rusty screws made me cringe. I seriously recoiled from the screen when it popped up. Rusty anything is just...ew. Shuddering just thinking about it, and I can't even see the picture anymore.

    I totally support you picking up the rusty bits of possible weapons. Prisons, I assume, have desperate men. And desperate men are dangerous.

  2. Poultry day? Well hell, I guess I better go ut in the yard and give the poultry an extra snack to celebrate.

  3. Couldn't pay me enough for that job. Unless it is like the prison in "My Name is Earl." That seemed like a pretty laid back place. Otherwise, fuggetaboutit.

  4. I'll be I know what the pachouli really reminds you of, you old hippie....

  5. Chanel- Sorry. Didn't mean to make you cringe. It was the best rusty pic I could find. And yes, some of them have few other options.

    Anon- Don't think you quite got the idea there...

    Doug- As crappy as the pay and benefits and conditions are, it's the best job in this area, pretty much. Most recession-proof, anyway.

    Bad Actor- Yeah..... that too.