Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Anatomy Of A Setup

In the Academy when you first decide to be a C.O., they run you through a short class called "Anatomy of a setup" where they show you a little of how the offenders will try to get one over on you. They talk about how the offenders will try to get you to give them things or bring them things they aren't really supposed to have.

And they are really good at that. Alot of them will try to set you up just for fun.

What they don't warn you about in the academy however, is your fellow staff members.

You cannot turn your back on them for a minute.

When you work that closely with people for so long in a high stress environment like the Hive, you learn which buttons will set someone off. Usually you just file the data away in your mind so you can avoid the situations. Sometimes you can even see something bad coming and avert a catastrophe.

But CO's, like anybody, tend to get into mischief when they have idle time on their hands.

One of my big buttons is what we call "Hug-A-Thug's". Those people who feel sorry for the offenders and want to give them things to make their life easier. We have quite a few of those here.

As far as I'm concerned, if they are in the Hive, they are lucky that they get air. And most of them don't seem to deserve that.

So a couple of my comrades decided to push that button for me the other day.

My friends.


Brothers in arms.

The ones that are supposed to have my back.

Set me up.

The basticules.

Between them they compiled a list of six of the biggest snapheads in the house and wrote them down saying "Phone calls per the caseworker."

I almost lost my freaking mind. I could see six different uses of force in my mind and how they were probably going to play out. Something in my mind went "snap" and I came to a decision. I crumpled the list and threw it in the trash and said "Nope. I aint gonna do it. List? What list?" Then I decided to head over to the pod and have it out with the caseworker and tell him if he wanted these idiots out on the phone, he could do it himself.

As I was fixing to stomp out of the office with a good head of steam going, Chip stopped me and said "Look at your partner over there." I glanced over at Chuck and saw that he was grinning from ear to ear. He couldn't hold it anymore and bust out laughing. And so did everybody else.

I'll admit, it was a pretty good joke.

And it's a good thing they stopped me before I left the office. It could have gotten ugly.

A little bit later I was standing outside smoking and cooling off and the aforementioned caseworker stuck his head out, wiggled his fingers at me and said "Hi Revvy!" That's when I knew he was in on the joke.

I snapped a finger in his direction and said "You go sit down."

And he went.

A sense of humor is a good thing to have in our profession. I almost lost mine there for a minute. But I'm feeling much better now.

Next chance I get, I'm filling Chuckys coat pockets with mashed turnips.

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