Friday, January 7, 2011

Mayhem In My Eyes

Tonight, as it was my regular yard night, I was out there with Sgt Uncle T and Sausage.

Man, that just wasn't pretty. They just don't get along really well.

Sausage is a compulsive chatterer and one-upper. I won't get into it too much. He's a nice guy and handy to have around but he just never never ever shuts up. Most of the time I can just tune him out and we get along okay.

Uncle T on the other hand, likes to run the conversations (which is cool with me) and he usually has some pretty interesting things to talk about.

But sitting in the shack between the two of them was driving me towards violence.

Partly accidentally and partly on purpose, Sgt Uncle T consumed half his weight in miniature Tootsie Rolls and got on a sugar jag and he was babbling like a mynah bird on crack just trying to drown Sausage out. It was like being on the road with Ted Nugent or Robin Williams.

Halfway through the shift i was ready to slaughter the both of them. I couldn't take it.

One of the phrases Uncle T likes to use when he wants to throw his (adjective deleted) weight around is "Shut the frack up!" He uses that when somebody disagrees with him or is in the process of saying something stupid.

It's his phrase and I don't use it. Especially to him.

Until tonight that is.

Finally I snapped and pointed a finger at his nose and said "Just shut the frack up for gawds sakes!" And when Sausage started to laugh and say something I said "You shut the frack up, too! You idiots are making me crazy!"

Then I jumped on the cart and drove around the yard for awhile. I didn't even care if I hit anything. Actually, if something had been stupid enough to get in my way, it would have been toast.

I finally had to come back and make sure Sgt Uncle T hadn't slipped into a diabetic coma from all the sugar he'd eaten. I called him nine kinds of a fool for doing that and threatened to thump him a good one if he put me through that ever again.

My head is still throbbing, for criminy sakes. It's going to be a long winter.

Well! Finally a day I can get into! Tomorrow is Old Rock Day! And I don't care if they mean something besides old Rock-n-Roll. That's what I'm going to read it as. Tomorrow I'm rocking!


  1. I've worked with people in the past who chatter on endlessly. It can be maddening.

  2. Just Plain Tired- I was nearly homicidal. I wanted to bang their heads together to see if it would make that empty coconut sound.