Friday, January 7, 2011

Good Friday

It was a good Friday. Not The Good Friday (whenever that is) or even an especially great Friday.

It was just a good Friday.

I got to work a 2-10 spot in 1 house tonight. They put me in Chopper's spot, since he was in training. And on Fridays not much happens in 1 house.

Worked with Miz Maybe and Galahad. Just the three of us. They knew the house and what went on so I tried to keep up on the small annoying stuff like wing walks and cell searches and going down to chow.

If they were going to make their monthly quota of cell searches for the month it meant that I should search two cells. Just to be contrary, I searched three of them.

After I went through the first cell and moved on to the second one, one of the inmates from the first cell came and thanked me for not 'trashing' his cell. I told him it was just how I did things.

But it got me to thinking. I've got three levels of cell search.

One is a casual search. Just a quick check through to make sure there isn't any major contraband or something really stupid laying around in plain sight.

In that search I will still look at, under and behind everything in that cell. I will upend their boots and shake them out. I will riffle through the pages of their books and shake out their clothes and leaf through all of their papers.

But when I am through 99% of their stuff will be right where they left it. Sure, they will have to refold their clothes and put a few things back in order, but for the most part it stays right where it was.

Now if I am sent in to look for something in particular, like a tattoo gun or possibly drugs, then I get a little more in depth. Everything comes out of wherever it is and gets gone through closely and it will end up somewhere near where they left it, but it will take them an hour or so to get everything back where it was.

Occasionally I get word like "There's a shank in there. Go find it."

At that time I start with the bunk. I pull the covers off of the bed and go through them an inch at a time. Then I do the same with the mattress. Sometimes even pulling the cover off of it. And they are a cast iron beeotch to get back on. The mattress then gets folded in half on the bunk.

Then every single thing they own is examined closely one piece at a time and every bit of it goes in a pile on the bunk. No two things that were together are left together. The only things left unopened are food items that are still sealed. And I check those very closely to make sure they haven't been cleverly resealed.

Every single thing is unfolded, opened, shaken, peered at, squeezed and examined with a fine tooth comb. Then piled on their bunk. That is a long tedious process.

Depending on how much property they have, a casual search can take ten to fifteen minutes. The intense search can take an hour or more. Those are a major pain in the butt. It goes faster if you have two people searching, but those cells are so small that two people can really crowd each other in there trying to search.

I never 'trash' anybody's property. I always try to be as careful as I can and not break or damage anything. Even if it's somebody that I can't stand.

Of course, if the offender is being a jackass about me searching his cell, then he's more likely to be the recipient of a more intense search than I originally intended. Hopefully it teaches them not to get stupid when someone wants to search their cell.

But then, as I have said so many times before, if they could learn from their mistakes I would be out of a job.

But the occupants of the three cells I searched in 1 house this evening were polite about it, so I was polite back.

It just made it an easier night for everybody in my book.

O-kayyyyy..... Wow. Hmm. I'm just sitting here shaking my head after looking at the calendar.

Tomorrow is National Joy Germ Day and Man Watcher's Day.

Okey dokey. Y'all have fun with that. I'll be over here....

And in case I don't get to mention it later on, Sunday is Play God Day and Monday is Peculiar People Day.

I'm really beginning to think that some of those peculiar people were the ones that made up this list. What do you think?


  1. "if they could learn from their mistakes I would be out of a job."

    Yes, I can definitely see how you'd be confronted by this fact day after day in your line of work.

  2. Tomorrow's days sound like prison observances if I do say so myself. Manwatcher Day..... hahahaha

  3. Why am I awake at 0330hrs reading this ffs! I found this blog after googling 'dog poop problem garden' Go figure? Must have been the Pepper Spray that got me to this place of madness ;-)
    Anyway, looking forward to the next installment. Definitely a brilliant way to waste time!!
    I work with them when they have left your tender care. Dont know which is worse? Being locked up with 'em or managing them out in the big wide world!

  4. Doc Rhoades- I tried it. Didn't work. Still had to do things around the house myself. What kind of fun is that?

    Bryan- I find a reason to say that aloud almost every single day. Amazing, innit?

    Bad Actor- I'll bet that was shower day.

    foxlet_g- I don't envy you your job. Probably like you don't envy mine. If they piss you off, you send them back to me. if they piss me off, I'm still stuck with them. Pfui. Glad you liked the place. Come back often!

  5. I will :-)
    I sent a few back today but only metaphorically to your good self? Mine are safely locked away in England!
    Er, pfui? and get writing again! Surely someones gone doolally, over here it was Appreciate a Squirrel Day

  6. foxlet_g- Metaphorically, for sure. We have enough nitwits of our own, we don't need to import any of yours, thank you. Appreciate a squirrel day. Brilliant!