Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

After wonder all night if I was going to end up writing about all of the little irritating things that happened this evening, my friend KP shows up at the comm room window and he drops this bomb shell on me.

He says (and I loosely quote the best i can remember):

"Do you suppose that we can draw a corollary between the increase in the safety of baby cribs and the increase in the prison population? Think about this.... When you and I were kids we were put in old wooden baby cribs that the sides slid down on. If you grabbed the sides it would pinch your fingers and hurt like hell and if you shook them hard enough they would tip over and dump you on your head.

We were taught that being behind bars was painful and you had to be good to get let out when you wanted to play.

But when Ralph Nader came along and consumer-safetied us half to death, they did away with those old wooden cribs and got these soft sided things that taught you nothing. Being locked away became a soft and comfy place to be.

Most of the new people coming into the system are young punks who never knew the harsh lessons that an old wooden crib would teach you."

By Gawd, if I don't think he's right. I think he's on to something.

And I do wonder if we put our heads together if we couldn't get a sizable government grant to do some research on the subject.

I can always count on my friends when the going gets tough.

Well, tomorrow looks like it's going to be quite the day. What with it being both Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day.

I just hope it don't backfire on us!


  1. That's one of the funniest things I've heard in a while.

  2. Ahhh! The man just may be a genius! With soft-sided cribs, no free play time (you know no chance to run with sticks or have rock fights) and everyone trying to artificially build up our kids self esteem they are not learning the littLe hard truths about life.

  3. That is hilarious and probably very true. Every time I tell my mom new things they have come out with to "protect" my baby she always tells me that I survived through it just fine when I was a baby.

  4. Yeah, I think he may be on to something there. That's pretty good.

    On a slightly unrelated note, I was arrested about 10 years ago for unknowingly driving with a suspended license. It was my one and only first-hand experience with incarceration. I was placed in a holding cell until bail was posted. The cell did not have bars, as I'm assuming such cells possibly had in the past, but rather it was a concrete room with a little sound-proof window of thick glass in the door. Someone might have thought that this was "less psychologically" oppressing than bars, but I found it to be far worse. It was extremely claustrophobic and the absence of sound made me feel completely cut off from the world.

    However, I don't remember what kind of crib I was kept in as a baby, so I don't know whether any of this bears any relevance to your friend's hypothesis.

  5. What does it say about you that you shook your crib to pieces? Dad had to rebuild it with heavy duty hardware so it wouldn't fall apart. Shortly after that you figured out how to flip yourself out any way so they gave up trying to imprison you in bed before you were 1.

  6. Joe- The man is a genius. That's why I hang around him. When i grow up i want to be just like KP.

    Sunday- Exactly! Our children are not learning anything the hard way anymore.

    Misty- Your mom sounds like a smart woman.

    Bryan- I'll bet you didn't want to ever repeat that experience, did you? So it turned out okay in the end.

    Columbia Critter- Maybe that's why I grew up with Harry Houdini and John Dillinger as my heroes.