Friday, May 15, 2009

Crazy Or What?

First of all, I want to thank my rather eccentric sister for the picture above. She knows my eclectic tastes and even forces herself to read my drivel now and then. And if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have the sound activated monster brain or the angry mob playset. Or those really annoying hand puppets that sing christmas songs. In retaliation for that fine gift, I'm sending her my daughter for two weeks. That'll teach her.

Secondly, there seems to be a new conspiracy going on. One of the offenders (in C-wing, where else?) is writing letters to the local office of the FBI, accusing us and them of denying him his civil rights and plotting to keep him unjustly in prison.

Apparently there are several undercover FBI agents working in the Hive even as we speak, plotting against him and spying on his activities.

I'm suspected of being one of them.

Hell, I might be. I don't know.

It's possible that I'm so deep undercover that even I don't know for sure.

I'm that good at it, apparently.

But I do know that I'm not getting paid by the FBI. I just hope they are holding my checks for me until I get out.

Over the years I have been accused of being FBI, former FBI, a Green Beret, a CIA agent, one of "Them", a communist sleeper and the antichrist.

That's an awful lot of unpaid overtime. Hopefully, there's an account in the Caymans or something. From what I've been told the KGB didn't pay squat and I don't know what the annual salary is for being the antichrist.

It's gotta be better than what I'm making here. Especially if I am one of "Them". They pay top dollar for what They want.

Or so They say, anyway.

Hee hee hee!

I had to listen to the man rant and rave just yesterday. According to him, the murder rate is going to skyrocket when he gets released. And he doesn't care who it is he kills. Just anybody and everybody. He's going to make the rivers and the seas run red with the blood of his victims. I told him: "You better start working out then, dude. Build up your strength." He looked at me and said "Why?" I just smiled. "All that ammo gets heavy. And you're going to need alot of it. Better start doing some pushups."

He nodded gravely and said "Yeah. You're right. I need to get started."

That thought kept him on track long enough to get him back into his cell and the cuffs off.

Some days are easier than others.

I hope They have a good retirement plan.


  1. That guy's in for life, right? Right?


  2. Mel- Sorry, no. I think at best he's only got a year or two left. Might be a good time to stock up on ammo ourselves, eh?

  3. Does you daughter know what she's in for? Two weeks of pecked, stung and shat upon. But the food will be good.

  4. tell him you know a "g" man who is conspiring.

  5. Someone seriously accused your botherinlaw of being a CIA agent once.

    Your daughter is going to be challenged with a lot of new foods. Hopefully she's up to handling it.

  6. Guy- No, she doesn't really have a clue. The whole thing is going to be a shock for the both of them, I think.

    g- I'll tell him, but I don't think he's old enough or in contact with reality enough to know what a g-man is.

    Anon- She's a finicky eater. But if you push her, she'll try new things now and then. Her favorite food is Taco bell. Go figure. At least it isn't McD's. I couldn't have handled that.

  7. then show him my picture.

    that'll freak him out!