Wednesday, November 2, 2011

It Was A Freaking Joke!

We have a bulletin board right across the hall from the comm room. It has a couple items of the usual official party line stuff and some "official" claptrap stuck to it here and there.

But for the most part this is where you advertise if you have something for sale. Almost everybody in the institution passes by that bulletin board at least twice a day, so if you want to get rid of something, that's the place to post it.

I've seen houses, apartments, boats, trailers, trucks, cars, motorcycles, scooters, guns, bows, dogs, cats, cattle, llamas, ducks and even once a snake.

And one edge of the board is covered with business cards. Most of them are side businesses of people working at the prison or relatives of people working at the prison. Once again, you can find almost anything from roofing to cakes to home made laundry soap, DJ services, widow washing and holistic massage. We are a versatile and eclectic bunch.

Being me and getting bored easily, I occasionally come up with odd ideas for things to put up on the bulletin board. Not that I'm trying to sell anything or have any particular agenda to put across. I just like making people either smile or scratch their heads and say "What?"

This morning I had an idea come to fruition in that steampunk junkyard I call my brain. I got online and found the picture of the howitzer up there and made up a flyer advertising it for sale. I even put down the specs. It's 155 mm and weighs 9,000 pounds. It can fire 2 rounds per minute and has an effective range of 15-40 miles.

At first I thought my punchline would be the price. I put down "Asking $2,000,000 OBO."

But then another thought struck me and I added "Willing to trade for light truck and washing machine." To me, it was freaking hilarious.

So I stuck it up on the bulletin board and waited to hear a few laughs. That was all I was after. Really.

And I got a few.

Then some people came by and thought it was serious. Some woman (I don't really remember who it was) was complaining "Why would anybody need something like that? Nobody should have one of those! Why are they trying to sell that here?"

I just stood there with my face hanging open and said "Really?"

And then a few more people came by and took it seriously.

I was left pacing the comm room and slapping my head going "Ay-yi-yi!"

I always said "If they ever locked up a rocket scientist I'd fall over backwards."

Today I was saying "If they ever hired a rocket scientist I'd just fall over dead of amazement."

I swear, these people could frack up a knock-knock joke.

On with the calendar. Thursday is going to be Sandwich Day and Housewife's Day. Mmmm... Housewife sandwich... It's also going to be Cliche Day and National Men Make Dinner Day.

I'll gladly burn some water for dinner.


  1. I knew it !! haha I got it! And I felt that it was comedic genious my friend. One time my mom sent me an email that had the picture of a possum on a FOUND CAT poster board that someone had put up on a telephone pole. In the description I remember it saying that it was a very ill-tempered cat, smelled bad, and was not litter trained! I laughed for days thinking of how stupid some people are but come to think of it, it was probably a bored Rev posting signs up around a California city!
    Veri word is spedu...
    A fashionable brand of baby speedo's.

  2. "Only in America," I sez to meself.

  3. Today you should hang signs that say "Dry Paint"

  4. It was a joke? Man.. I wanted one for deer season.

  5. For what it's worth, I thought it was friggin' hilarious! Especially the part about the trade! Some people just haven't developed mentally past that concrete operations stage of reasoning-they take everything literally and just don't get humor, especially wit.

  6. That IS funny. Not the joke (which is, actually, funny) but the fact that people took it seriously.

    In case you were wondering, I have a washing machine and a light truck. You know, just in case it wasn't really a joke :)

    (veriword is "hotti." Yes. Yes I am.)

  7. Wrap it up, put a bow on it ! That's just the thing I need to add to my collection. Can ya throw a few extra rounds in ?


  8. FlyinMonkey- I was actually thinking about doing that found cat poster next week. Man! Now I'll have to think of something else...

    Vincent- Over there I'd probably get nicked for a breach of the peace or something.

    Guy- Funny thing was when I came in today there were "wet paint" signs. That made me wonder of you had been there already.

    Bryan- Whoo hoo! Three trucks and three washing machines!

    Boris- Your son would take it away from you anyway.

    Lolamouse- And these are the "professionals" I work with! yeah!

    CheesyDoug- That just blew me away. And yes, yes you are, you big lug!

    Ghost- My ad said it came with 500 rounds. You could flatten Monkey Mountain with that!