Monday, September 14, 2009

The Remote Control Captain

Apparently when the put all of the new cameras everywhere they installed some new whiz-bang item in the captains office that we just found out about. Or maybe they just hooked it up, I'm not sure which.

But the Cap can sit in his comfy chair and flip through all the cameras that are wired into the system and see what is going on in real time.

And Captain Crane (see Ichabod over there) is the worst. He will sit and watch and then call down to the house and ask "Why is that officer out there doing that?" and "Why aren't they doing this?" or "Where are they?"

He hasn't quite figured out all of the camera angles like we have. There are blind spots you can stand in and they can't tell where you are. The bubble officer can see where you are, but the cameras can't.

We do that because we know he is up there watching and it drives him crazy when he can't see what we are doing.

If I had a long stick that would reach the cameras I would make up random signs and stick them up in front of the cameras for a few minutes. Like "EAT AT JOES CHILI BARN" and "THIS SPACE FOR RENT" and things like that.

He'd go berserk.

If the man wants to know what we are doing, he should just wait for us to call him. If it was anything important that he needed to know about, we would call. If he wants to run the Hive, he can get busted back down to Sergeant and come run the thing. I guarantee we would run him out in a week.

If he would just realize that he would be much happier if he left us alone to do our jobs. We always tell him about the important stuff. I'm sure the man is driving himself to ulcers or worse.

Most likely scenario is one of those fumble fingered geniuses will break the doodad up there in the office in a few weeks and it will solve our problem since there won't be any money to fix it. One thing for sure about DOC employees. If we have it for very long, it will get broken.

In the meantime, just go back to watching the regular teevee up there and leave us alone. You'll be much happier in the long run, I assure you.


  1. We are now the stars of our own reality television show. I just wish there was a bit more drama.

  2. Not only do the walls have eyes, they have ears, too. Be careful what you say, nothing is private in the Hive, NOTHING. You've heard of double secret probation? That's what we're all on. "Guilty of something, and by Gawd we're going to prove it!" Way to boost morale, spy on staff. Bitter - you betcha.

  3. KP- You wish there was more drama.... You aren't supposed to be smoking that here, you know!

    Anon- Oh yeah, I know. It's just lovely, isn't it? Our own supervisors have the same opinion of us that the public has. We're all stupid, cruel and corrupt. If we weren't stupid we wouldn't be lowly COI's, we would be supervisors. And if we're not apparently stupid, then we must be up to something.

    And the warden wonders why we have a shortage of staff.....