Monday, September 28, 2009


The term "bedlam" which means uproar, noise and confusion, was first coined from the Bethlehem Royal Hospital in Beckenham, London. Apparently many people there had trouble pronouncing Bethlehem so they shortened the name to Bedlam. It was a mental hospital first opened in 1247 and it was one of the first of it's kind in the world. People likened the word to the sound of the screaming inmates. Ergo a cacophonous noise is now referred to as "sounding like bedlam!"

I just worked a shift in bedlam.

After we came in from rec I went into C-wing to go through the laundry bags for any incoming contraband. Nine times out of ten we find something. This must have been the tenth time. I didn't find anything. But as I was standing there searching the 160+ laundry bags I got to listen to everyone in the wing screaming at the same time.

To begin with, we have the dude in c-7 that sounds just like one of the hillbillies from Bugs Bunny's "Hillbilly Hare" doing an hour long impromptu bluegrass rap where he alternated between threatening the other offenders in the wing, calling them all child molesters and homosexuals and offering to sleep with them or any member of their family they choose. It was pretty good for an off the cuff performance. He also would occasionally praise god and/or jesus and offer to sleep with them too.

The guy in 2 cell was just praising god and singing hymns at the top of his lungs while beating on the cell door.

9 cell went back and forth between singing a medley of Rod Stewart songs and offering me exorbitant amounts of money if I would let him out to beat up somebody else in the wing. I never was exactly clear who it was he wanted to beat up, but the offer reached into the billions of dollars at one point.

The two lovebirds in 13 and 25 were screaming sweet nothings at each other and promising their eternal love. Of course, when he wasn't screaming at 13 cell, 25 was screaming out the window at D-wing and looking for someone to sleep with over there if he could get moved. I don't foresee a long and happy romance for those two.

15 cell went back and forth between riling up anybody who would listen to him and screaming profanity at me. I think he was the only one who noticed I was in there. I think it pissed him off that he wasn't pissing me off. That's funny.

10 cell was standing at his door listening to all of this and would say "That's sick!" when there was a lull in the conversation.

3 cell is our old pal Gunny and he was laying on his bunk screaming "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu*k Nooo! Fuuuuuuuuuuuu*k Noooo!" over and over again.

And 5 cell was beating on his door and screaming for water and he wanted clothes and a blanket and some soap and some toilet paper and something to eat.......

And the guy in 9 cell finally noticed I was there with the laundry and started describing his laundry bag so I could find it for him. He said "It's blue and I had two sheets, three boxers, two pair of socks and a towel. No wait, it's a blue bag and I had two sheets, two pair of boxers, a towel.... no wait. It was blue......"

I have a headache.


  1. *click* Everybody's on mute.

    That's my dream. I'll share it with you, though.

  2. Amy- If someone could perfect a mute that would work on other people I would kiss them right on the lips.