Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Not In My Chain Of Command

You know.... there's alot of people at work who can tell me what to do. Other officers. sergeants, lieutenants, captains, the major, FUMs, caseworkers, the warden, assistant wardens.... even the nurses tell me what to do and I generally do what they tell me to.

I'm pretty much at the bottom of the food chain as far as being ordered to do things. Anybody who isn't an inmate can tell me what to do.

It's my job. I'm cool with it.

But the fracking inmates are not in my chain of command. And they haven't figured that out yet.

"Go get me the sergeant."

"Get me some toilet paper."

"Go tell that nurse to come talk to me."

To which I generally reply "Go frack yourself."

But not in those exact words.

Any conversation that begins with a demand or an order pretty much ends up the same way. And they act all offended when I tell them to go get stuffed. It mystifies them. Many of them seem to be under the impression that because I am supposed to be nominally looking out for their well being, that I should be catering to their needs all the time.

Well, I got some sad news for ya, Binky! As long as you don't die on my shift, I could really care less about your welfare. And as for the rest of your demands:

Write a kite to the sergeant and he will see you or not as is his will when and if he gets around to it.

Toilet paper gets handed out on fridays. Hold it til then.

Fill out a medical request and the nurse will see you when you get on her schedule.

And until the day comes when you start signing my paychecks......

Go frack yourself.

But not in those exact words.

Thanks. I just needed to get that off my chest.


  1. Why not in those exact words?? Sometimes they only understand complete directness. It never ceases to amaze me how they think we were put here to cater to their every whim. And they don't seem to comprehend that we can walk away from their door any time we want. It cracks me up when they say, "Ms/Mr *****, could you please come talk to me?" and you say "No". Their immediate response it, "Hey Mother F'er!! Get your fat F-in' a$$ over here!" And they actually seem to think that should work. It's like when a construction worker yells "Hey, Baby! I'd like to tap that!" when a woman walks by. Do you think that has ever worked as a pick-up line??

  2. Let's not forget the guys who are on their 8th incarceration and act completely surprised at the information you give them. "What??? I have to wait until Friday for toilet paper? What do you mean I have to write a kite? I didn't know that!!!!" I have to bite my tongue and suppress my comment "Dumbass, this type of tactic is why you are behind that steel door...and I am not... see you on your intake for your 9th incarceration, in fact, why don't we just keep that cell open for you while you are gone, I am that confident you will make it less than a month on the street." (maybe I need a new profession)

    ---says Icypup (who forgot her password yet again!)

  3. Peggy Sue- When I said "not in those exact words" I meant that I didn't use the word "frack". I almost wish for the old days when we could pop their doors and teach them some manners. There was one time when an inmate was being mouthy and rude and I said "I'm going to send you something in the mail." When he asked me what it was I said "It's going to be a beautifully inscribed parchment tied up with a ribbon and a wax seal cordially inviting you to go f*ck yourself." That startled him so much he actually shut up for awhile.

    Icypup- The main thing that separates them from us (other than staying inside the boundaries of the law) is the ability to learn from our mistakes. Isn't one of the descriptors of insanity doing the same actions the same way and expecting different results? I sure see alot of that. And the inmates who are bragging about getting out always hate it when I say "I'll see you when you come back."