Friday, June 19, 2009

No Treatment Necessary

Let us dispense with the crap, shall we? The economy has gone to hell and we are sucking hind tit for money yet we are throwing it away like it's candy from a decades old pinata.

Anybody who goes to prison for a drug or alcohol related crime must go through a "treatment program" as a requirement for being released. Some of them will get out early if they pass the program. Some of them will actually get out.

But down in the Hive we get to see the ones who cannot or will not pass that program. And when I see them I just have to ask myself : who thought it was a good idea to put this nimrod in a treatment program? Let's see... he's loud and belligerent, barely literate, been nothing but a problem the whole time he's been in prison and has everything but the word "dumba**" tattooed across his forehead. Oh yeah, he's a good candidate for a treatment program to let him back out in society. That will make him a model citizen.

So we waste days and weeks, sometimes only hours, getting this dipsnap enrolled in the treatment house. They usually have to transfer from another camp (at state expense, of course) just to stick us with them when they go nuts and assault someone. And then we're stuck with another raving snaphole for weeks or months until they get transferred again.

I don't know how much it costs to transfer an inmate. I'm sure there's a fixed dollar amount tucked away in some bean-counters ledger book somewhere. And we do transfers twice a week, 52 weeks a year. I'm sure the amount is staggering. More than I make in a year, I'm certain.

Who decides which inmate is a candidate for this drug and alcohol treatment? It's probably mandated by the judge at his sentencing. Like an added surtax. "Mr Dipsnap, you are hereby sentenced to twenty years for murder and child molestation and reckless endangerment and manufacture and distribution of a controlled substance and armed criminal action and driving with a suspended license and littering. Oh yeah, and you have to complete a drug and alcohol treatment program before you can be released as a requirement for your parole."


There should be a codicil in the law that will let somebody screen these morons. If they have spent more than 10% of their time in prison in the Adseg unit: denied. If they have been locked up for a violent crime against staff or another inmate or for dangerous contraband ie, a weapon or drugs: denied. We could save the state a bundle of cash just by a simple review of their record.

We got one such moron in the Hive the other night. Got in a fight in the chow hall with another offender and they both got sprayed. They were both crying for a shower and whining that they couldn't see. This moron just kept his eyes closed and pretended he was blind the whole way down. And when he got in the cell and finally decided to open his eyes, he decided he couldn't stay in that cell. He was fifteen years younger than his cellie and outweighed him by at least fifty pounds but declared he was in fear for his life because they were not the same color. I just barely know the cellie. He's quiet and is just laying down doing his time. never hear a peep out of him. But this young punk just couldn't stay in that cell.

So we had to move him. I'm sure that when I next get into the Hive he will have been moved at least twice. He's another one of those "I'm a C-5, you better check my file!" types. He's big and bad behind the door, especially if he is in the cell by himself.

Somebody should have come to his door a few weeks ago (at whatever camp he was at) and said "Mr Dipsnap, you have been ordered by the court to complete a drug and alcohol treatment program as a condition of your early parole. However, a review of your record shows that you are a complete moron and a scumbag so your treatment has been denied. You will be serving your whole sentence in prison." And then they could add "Have a nice day." if they felt so inclined.

Then a polite note could be sent to the judge stating:
Your Honor,
Despite whatever Offender Dipsnaps' demeanor may have been during the five minutes he was in your courtroom, the Department of Corrections has determined that he is not suitable for either the drug and alcohol treatment program or for early release. However, if you still insist, please enclose a personal check payable to the state for the amount of $25,000 to cover transportation, housing and miscellaneous expenses.
Thank you, -The State

At that point the comptroller or whoever controls the budget would go "Ka-ching!" and tote up a substantial saving on his little ledger book.

Much more of that coomon sense breaking out kind of stuff and we could actually afford some new gear for a change.


  1. And a bloody good thing, too. If common sense broke out I'd be out of a job.

  2. Sorry...nothing more I can say. I can't fix stupid.

  3. Peggy Sue- You fix as many of them as you can! I've seen you in action! But wouldn't it be prudent to weed out the knuckleheads before they get there?

  4. Yes. And I'm making that my mission to at least ASK them if they want this before they transfer in. These guys sit on the waiting list for years and then they send them here with only 8 months left before they 12/12. Most of them don't care about 2 measly little months off a 20 year sentence! And they should NEVER come straight from Ad Seg!!!! That's just WRONG!!! (damn...I stubbed my toe on the soapbox!)

  5. Peggy Sue- You go girl! Weed out some more of those knuckleheads and we'll all chip in and buy you a patented Garden Weasel to help make the job easier. How would you like to be Patron Saint of Adseg officers? I can swing that.

  6. I am humbled and honored by your offer. Will there be a medal with a portrait of me worn by all ad seg officers? Could you make me look like Halle Berry on it? But then again, necklaces are dangerous in ad seg. Have to come up with something else.

  7. Peggy Sue- I'm thinking instead of medallions or necklaces, something more along the lines of a small tasteful tattoo. "And all who gazed upon her were illuminated."

  8. There is help available to alcoholics who want and need it. By seeking out the services of a competent alcoholism treatment center, you can easily take the first step towards recovery for yourself or a loved one.