Monday, June 22, 2009

Always Expect The Unexpected

Being surprised by anything in this job is a bad idea. This is not a field where you take surprises of any sort with good grace.

It only took my kid a month to figure out that sneaking up on Dad is a very bad idea. Once or twice of hitting the floor and hearing bones grind together is a good impetus to learn new traits. I didn't really hurt anybody, but I made sure that the lesson was learned.

Today was full of just all kind of surprises. And none of them were really pleasant.

One of our wobbleheads decided to not respond to anybody so we had to go in and make sure he was okay. I thought for a minute that the old S.O.B. was dead. And when I realized he was just playing a game, I wanted to kick his a**. He refused to take his meds, and they are ordered buy the court. All he would do when the Lieutenant came down is scream "Go to hell! Get away from my door!"

So they sent down a movement team. It's ninety five degrees outside and these guys are wearing black coveralls and body armor, gloves and helmets and sweating their cojones off. They are good and aggravated and old wobble head is screaming and banging on his door. I figure... hey, this might be a good one. Even if I can't kick his a**, I can watch it done. That should be good enough.

And when they get to his door he sticks his hands out the chuck hole and cuffs up and goes to medical docile as a little wobbly lamb and takes his meds. And they walk him back and put him in his cell.

The old snaphead.

Held up our business. Made us late for rec. And all for nothing. Jerk.

A little while later I hear some calls on the radio talking about lack of power. Apparently it's out in some places. But I'm out on the rec yard, so I don't notice. So we bring them back in from rec and take another round out and we're just sitting out there, hoping it will cool off soon.

And then we hear on the radio: "Attention all radio units: Code 20, Code 20. 9:06 pm."

Holy snap. We're out on the rec yard, dammit! No warning whatsoever.

A Code 20 is a count, by the way. All of the offenders have be be secured in their cells at count time.

So we cuff them back up early and bring them back in and listen to them bitch and whine about their rec being cut short. And as we are putting them back in their cells, someone else is going around to count them.

I think to myself: "Maybe they think someone escaped!"

No, they were just being paranoid.

So on the way out I formulate a snide remark for the guys in the Control Center. But I'm hot and tired and it's been a long day and all I can come up with is "Hey! Thanks for the warning Butthead!" I knew Vinnie was up there and would take it with the spirit in which it was intended. And as I go around to shout that through the chuck hole I glance in and see the Captain sitting in the Control Center.

So I think to myself: "Better come up with something different to say."

And as I walk around the other side of the window I look in and see the Warden Himself sitting next to the Captain.

And I think (yet again) to myself: "Best just keep your pie hole shut and go home and call this one a draw."

So I did.

No surprise there. For the first time in the evening.


  1. Have there been any escapes from your house?

  2. Guy- There was an attempt once. I'd almost forgotten about it. Good looking out! I'll post about that.

  3. Just when you think no one is looking, there sits the Warden...Ummmm

  4. Doc- Yeah, the sneaky bastich!

  5. Yeah, now you can't blame me for a weird count time.
    Funny thing is, I turned right around and did another count at 10.
    Isn't that funny!?