Monday, September 15, 2008


Once again, the house is full. Of course, it's been full for the last two years. Used to be, we would only stuy "full" full for a month or two out of the year. The rest of the time we were able to move people around and clear out whole sections so they could be repainted and refurbished and if something big went wrong with a cell, we could just move the offenders to another cell until that one could be fixed. Ah, I remember those days. Didn't know how good we had it back then. Now we stay full all the time. And the rules for celling offenders together have gotten stricter, too. So when a time comes, like today, when we have to move somebody, things get a little hairy. And of course, it had to happen right before shift change. A little voice in the back of my head said "Just leave it for the next shift". But I can't do that. After all, I used to be on that shift and that's my crew I'd be dumping that problem on. So we took it in hand. The problem: move one offender from "A" wing to "C" wing. Simple enough, eh? Problem Modifier: "C" wing is full of people who either will not move or cannot be moved. Solutions offered: many and varied. Many of them not suitable for viewers under eighteen. It's like one of those sliding puzzles you had when you were a kid. Remember those? You could only move one tile at a time by sliding it one way or another. And you had to slide the pieces all around until they were in the right order. Simple enough for someone who thinks like that. My wife can do those things like Tiger Woods sinks putts. Me, I could probably repaint most of the sistine chapel from memory (not as well, tho) but I need a calculator to balance the checkbook. More modifiers: you can't put the white supremacist in with the crazy black guy. You can't put the flaming homosexual in with the raving homophobe. And you can't put the scared guy who claims to be an IRA assassin in with ANYBODY. We finally found a solution, after the boss came over from her office and helped. Put the two crazy black guys together, move the IRA assassin in by himself in the empty cell and move the supremacist into "C" wing. Bingo! And it only took an hour to clean up the mess afterwards. What a day!


  1. You know, Darev, this stuff is pretty fascinating to those of us who have never been involved in the CJ system.

    Were the Corrections Officers you work with big fans of the HBO series OZ?

  2. Yes, OZ was a big hit among the crew. I never got to watch it myself, but I got to hear plenty about it. I try to keep it interesting without putting in all of the disgusting things that happen. I'm glad you're not repulsed by my tales. I've come to realize that it is definitely not a line of work I would recommend for everyone. Even some of the people who do work there aren't suited for it.