Monday, April 23, 2012

Who Ya Gonna Freaking Call?

Me, apparently. Without any fancy proton pack or anything.

I've been telling people this place is haunted for years and they all laughed at me like I was cracked in the head.

Tonight Guns walks down to my office and says "Sarge, I don't know what's going on down there, but there's a door rattling like crazy! I don't know what's in there and I don't have a key but someone might be locked in there or something! I don't know!"

"Really..." One eyebrow raised, I follow him down to his wing, thinking maybe he's messing with my head or something.

Right around the corner from his office is F South, which is only used for storage. The inmates use one room as a weight room, but otherwise the wing is empty. The very first door on the left is marked "Housekeeping", except someone scraped off the "H" and replaced it with an "M".

Up to that point, I had never opened that door. Neither had Guns.

When we step up to it, there's a group of interested and slightly frightened inmates standing around and the door is rattling back and forth in it's frame like someone or something is trying to get out. It's a heavy steel door like all of the rest of them and it would take something more than just a breeze to rattle it that hard.

Guns bangs on the door and says "What are you doing in there?" The door stops for a second and then starts rattling again.

I'm thinking it's a critter. Maybe a skunk or a possum or something. I'm really hoping it's not a skunk. Especially since we're on the second floor. It would be a real pain to chase a skunk all the way down the stairs.

As I try to stick my key in the door it rattles so hard I almost drop my keys and the inmates all make this nervous laugh and move back a few steps. One of them says "I'm out of here." and he and a couple others take off for the other wing. The lock pops open and I put my foot up and kick the door open wide and we see.......

Absolutely nothing.

There's nothing in there but a plastic chair and a coat rack on the wall. Okey dokey.

Guns and I step inside and look around. Nothing. No open windows. No air vents. No strings or wires that someone could be pulling. No critters. No drafts.

On the plus side, there were no specters, spooks or apparitions, either. No full torso free roaming vapors. No Gozer or Stay-Puft Marshmallow man. Not even Slimer.

As we step back out and I pull the door shut, it rattles so hard it pulls the door right out of my hand and swings open again. One of the few remaining inmates says "He wants out, Sarge!" I grabbed the door and slammed it shut, jamming my key in the lock and locking it again.

I said "He's beat. He aint going nowhere."

And as I walked away the door started rattling again. It did that for a little while and then quit and we haven't heard it since.

I briefly thought about reporting it. Just briefly. Didn't want to end up in front of the Major trying to explain that my house is haunted. I doubt he'd understand.

Tuesday is going to be National Pigs In A Blanket Day (Yum!), Genocide Remembrance Day and Teach Your Children To Save Day .

Don't teach them to save pigs in a blanket, though.
That might get messy.


  1. That makes me want to work that house!!

    1. TJ- It's kinda creepy sometimes. But it might give you some ideas!

  2. Replies
    1. Bryan- Yup. I didn't want to show how creeped out I was in front of the inmates.

  3. They won't let me ship a nuclear accelerator through the mail or I'd send you my spare proton pack. Since the last incidient with the buffalo organs UPS won't accept anything from me at all. I'm keeping Fed-Ex as a back up in case I need to ship something dicey.

    1. Critter- You do sometimes make me wonder if you're kidding or not, you know...

  4. Balless in MemphisApril 24, 2012 at 11:46 AM

    It always amazes me how we continually remind ourselves of tragedy and also expect those effected by it most to forgive and forget. Silly America.

    The fact there was more than one of you witnessing this and no one mentioned anything about peeing themselves, makes me feel like a total wimp. Generally, if I see a door rattling like that I do not take the time to shove a key inside it to invite whatever is behind out.

    1. Memphis- Nobody peed, as far as I noticed. But I think it was a close one. And they expected me to do something, so I had no choice. But believe me, inside my head I was saying "Oh snap oh snap oh snap!"

  5. I wouldn't believe this story, except I once worked in a store that had a creepy attribute that still freaks me out.. There are all sorts of crazy stuff out there. Might have to write something about that.