Monday, May 2, 2011

The Perfect Spokesman?

I was on my way home tonight, composing my blog entry in my head. I had it all figured out how I was going to write about how they blew a hole in the levee after all because a federal judge said that our 180,000 acres of farmland and 200 homes were less important than a town of 2,800 people and is, from what I've heard, a dump anyway. It sounds to me, from the descriptions, that the place would probably benefit from a good rinsing out.


I was on my way home, like I said, composing my post and listening to the radio with half an ear while I drove and thought.

And this radio commercial comes on for some prescription-strength allergy medicine that is sold over the counter. Claims it will allay all of your allergy ills with one small pill and won't make you drowsy like some of those other medicines.

Their radio spokesman? None other than Alice Cooper.


Would you buy anything based on his recommendation?

Let me rephrase that.

Would you buy anything that didn't come rolled up in a baggie based on his recommendation?

Seriously. They might as well have gotten Keith Richards or even Charlie Sheen to endorse their product.

I'm not doubting the man's talent, but do you think someone who devoted their life to craziness and excesses is a good celebrity spokesman for a drug company? A legitimate drug company?

"Hi. I'm Alice Cooper. Use this product or Satan will move into your underwear drawer and I'll come bite the head off your cat."

I think if I ran into Alice Cooper on the streets and he said "Here, try this stuff, man! It's killer!" I'd probably believe him. But if he came up to me trying to hawk allergy pills as the cure for my ailments I'd just stand there and look at him funny and wonder if I was on Candid Camera or something.

I'm just saying.

Anyway, they blew the levee and we will probably be getting some of those level 5 inmates pretty soon, unless they find some other place to put them until the waters subside. It's going to be a large pain in the butt and nobody is looking forward to the extra hassle and drain on our manpower that this will entail.

That all being said, let's check the calendar, shall we?

Sorry about the rant there. It just struck a weird nerve.

Wednesday is Lumpy Rug Day. It is also National Disabled Pets Day (?), Two Different Colored Shoes Day, Garden Meditation Day, Public Radio Day and Paranormal Day.

Wow. I think I'll stick with the lumpy rug. Got one of those already.


  1. I would damn sure would trust Alice Cooper’s recommendations of drugs. But really wouldn’t something like ADD meds be more appropriate?
    Don’t go busting a hip on that lumpy rug, Rev.

  2. Geez, that's an awful picture of Alice Cooper. Can you imagine if you walked into a gas station and saw someone like that behind the counter? I wouldn't let the guy recommend what brand of beef jerky to buy, let alone medication. It's a weird culture we live in where ex-"bad boy" rock stars are doing thing like pharmaceutical ads.

  3. I've always thought of Alice Cooper as being the geriatric version of The Joker. I am not sure why. Maybe it has something to do with the senile Batman who keeps fighting crime in my head after all these years.

  4. Alright. I'm just going to say this straight up.

    I have no idea who Alice Cooper is.

    Yes, yes, you may all turn and stare at me like I'm absolutely insane. It's what the guys at work do when I say things like, "I totally just realized that I've had Sammy Davis Junior and Frank Sinatra confused my whole life." Actually, I'm pretty sure my first part of that statement was, "Oh my God. Frank Sinatra is WHITE????"

    But no, I wouldn't take his word for it.

    And BOO for flooding the farm land. Those selfish jerkfaces!

  5. Sunday- I can see him hawking ritalin or methadone, maybe. Or certain brands of mushrooms, perhaps. And my hips aren't that fragile yet.

    Bryan- It was the worst picture of him I could find. He looks like he's 100 years old in that one. That radio ad is still boggling my mind.

    Scott- I think Alice and The Joker may be one and the same. Certainly they use the same makeup artist.

    Chanel- .......... I forget sometimes what a young'un you are. Alice Cooper was the American version of Ozzy Osbourne. Does that help? And yes, Sammy was the little black guy who could dance. Frank was the white guy who couldn't sing.