Monday, May 9, 2011

Feast Or Famine

On Friday we were so short I didn't get to go home early even though I came in at noon. But it's all good. I got three and a half hours of comp time for it. That will look nice on my paycheck when they do a comp time payout.

Today we were so fat we had four officers and a Sarge out on the yard and they sent us a fifth, the little laundry gnome, when laundry shut down for the evening. On the way inside I heard several people say "There's so many people here! I'm going home!" but nobody did.

Not at first, anyway.

Right about 8:00 pm when we shut down the yards, Sausage said "I'm going to leave here in a little bit. I got lots of stuff to do at home." I thought "Yeah, right." Then I thought "I wonder if he told Sarge he's leaving early?"

He hadn't. He waited until he was almost all the way out and called Sarge on the radio and told him he was leaving for the evening.

There was one thing I was sure glad of this evening. One, that I wasn't the new guy. He got pulled for all of the crummy details and had to run everywhere while I got left to 'watch the yard.' And two, I'm glad I'm not Sausage when Sarge catches up to him next. He's an evil minded old basticule who will probably torture Sausage for days when he gets the chance.

Psychologically torture him ,anyway. They kind of look askance at waterboarding and stuff like that. Not exactly sure why.

One kind of fun thing happened while I was out on the yard, though. They got some new dogs for their program and one of them is a pretty chunky chocolate colored something or other named Hershey. He's a big old teddy bear of a dog. Everyone says he's fat but he's pretty much just alot of dog, if you know what I mean. Probably somewhere around sixty pounds. very friendly.

I was sitting on the golf cart and Hershey came along pretty much dragging his handler and climbed right up on the cart with me and sat down like he was saying "Enough walking! Let's ride!" And he didn't want to get off of the cart. Inmates aren't allowed on the carts except in the case of real medical emergencies and I'm sure I would have gotten into trouble for having a dog riding around with me on one. Even if I had to have his handler running along behind. And while I was trying to get him off the cart peacefully (after quite a few pets and some ear pulls) he turned his butt around and sat down on the gas pedal of the cart and we started rolling down the walk. Almost dragging his inmate handler. Again.

That cart has absolutely no brakes and I had to force my hand down between the seat and Hershey's profound bulk and turn the power switch off to get us stopped again. After that we decided that Hershey could walk the rest of the evening. But every time I passed them in the cart, he started pulling like he wanted back on.

I think he's destined to be a traveling dog.

So Tuesday is Clean Up Your Room Day. Nope. Can't see that happening.

Hmm... I seem to have screwed up my days a little bit. I said Friday that Monday would be Lupus day, Buddha Day and Windmill Day and it's really Tuesday. Now I'm not sure what day I'm referring to or even what day it actually might be. That's what happens when I'm too tired to type! Oh... snap.


  1. What kind of program is it that allows your guests to have dogs. Is it something they can work up to? Is there concern that the guests will dogfight the dogs? What are the dogs being trained for? Inquiring minds want to know. Just off the top of my head, I would think it's a hell of an idea for the well behaved guests. I sure miss my Chico The Dog.

  2. "Basticule" I like that.

    Amen to being tired. *yawn*

  3. Since you are anti-Facebook, I thought I would give you this link

    for a laugh. You are missing out on great fun on the community page, so you know.

  4. I still can't warm up to the idea of dogs at Raccoon City. What happens if we were to have to take one of their handlers to the Hive? Nothing that's what! He's got a dog so he's above the rules. How many times do we search them? I know I haven't. That would be one heck of a mule. Anyhow, that's a cute story. Hershey is a pretty dog.

  5. Not fair. I live in an apartment still so I can't have a dog (a real dog, I mean, not a silly little purse dog) and yet those guys can have one. Their rooms are smaller than mine, I assume.

  6. It doesn't matter where he lives or works, every dog wants to ride shot gun.

    It's in their DNA. Even Choo Choo has the urge to sit in the seat and watch things go by.

    I like Hershey. He sounds very nice.

  7. Joe- They get dogs from a local shelter for six weeks and run them through an obedience training then send them back to be more adoptable. The inmates have to be violation free for so long and also go through a class first. It has had a good impression on most of them so far. And I believe all the dogs have been adopted.

    Bryan- I've learned to be creative with the epithets. I'm still not sure why I do that.

    Scott- Those were hilarious. Thank you! I know I'm missing out on some things but I'm also not being bombarded by nitwits and spammers, either. I was on there once. It was crazy.

    Drew- That's why the handlers always come in pairs. One of them can be disposable, if necessary. If they get too uppity, they go bye-bye just like any other inmate. That's already been proven. Hershey is great and Willow is a sweetheart.

    Doug- You just gotta get out of the apartment scene. I've rented a few places smaller and less cheerful than our cells here.

    Chanel- He was done walking, that's for sure. If I thought I could have gotten away with it, i would have given him a ride. I'm sure it would have landed me in the Captains office, again.