Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Knee Deep In Estrogen

I was excited when I came in today. Well, as excited as I ever am at the prospect of going to work, anyway.

They were going to let me work the wobblehead house and Sgt Miz P was going to be there! If it came together it would have been the first time we had actually gotten to work an entire shift together since I left the Hive. Almost a year ago. We'd been scheduled to work together before but every time one of us ended up getting pulled at the last minute.

She and I go way back. We have been through some serious stuff together, mostly down in the Hive back when she was one of the working stiffs. I could tell you stories... We had some fun back then.

So I was overjoyed when I got down to the house and she was there. They had pulled her last night to work the Control Center because Sgt Puddle called out and I was afraid they might do it again. But they didn't and she was there and I was happy.

My grin faltered just a smidgen when I realized that I was the only male working the house, though.

Not that I have anything against women in general or women working in a prison, mind you. It's not like that at all. Some of the very best officers we have are women. And there are a few (Sgt Miz P, for example) that I would want to pick to be at my back if things went south.

I just don't like being outnumbered, you see. And being outnumbered three to one is just a losing battle, no matter who you are.

So I got to be the foil to many of their jokes, which I didn't mind so much. I'm used to it. But sometimes when they all started talking all at the same time (having all worked together for quite some time now) I started feeling a little overwhelmed.

And if you will forgive me the extremely sexist remark here, it sounded like I was in the middle of a very busy hen house.

But hey, we could always use the eggs... (grin)

We had a good time, generally. Miz Cackle brought in a big bag of ribs from the local rib shack and had enough to share aplenty. I spent a good part of the evening in a chair gnawing on bones. And, of course, chewing on bones brought up a few jokes at my expense as well. I didn't mind that so much either.

Miz Nice brought in the latest Avon catalogs and even offered to sell me something if I were in the need of any cosmetic products. I politely declined and offered instead my little speech on the historical significance of facial makeup and what it meant.

As I understand it, the prostitutes in ancient Babylonia used combinations of colors for eye shadow and lipstick to denote which sexual acts they were fluent in and what prices they charged.

This may or may not be entirely accurate, but it does denote my general distaste for the whole makeup thing in general. I will agree that minimal amounts of cosmetics can be attractive for most women. They can subtly accent certain facial features and make them more alluring and pleasing to the eye. But the ones who cake the stuff on with a trowel and cover their entire face with creams and powders and paints is just ridiculous.

When your face is one color and your neck is another color completely, you are using too much makeup, in my opinion.

In my younger years my mother had a friend who would paint her whole face this odd orange color. I guess she was trying to look like she had a good tan. She also shaved off her eyebrows and painted them on higher up on her forehead.

I told my mom that she looked like a surprised pumpkin. She though she looked good, I guess. I thought it was silly as hell. And I would always refer to her as "the pumpkin lady". I got smacked a few times for that.

Wow. Here I am again, wondering how the heck I got here.

Wayyyyy off subject.

We had a good time and all of the wobbleheads behaved themselves for a change. That was nice. Almost all of them remember me in one way or another. The ones I had no problems with were pleasant. The other ones knew to give me a wide berth and I was fine with that.

And I got free ribs. That was awesome.

So Wednesday is going to be International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day. None of my relatives live anywhere near here so I may just have to take a pass on that one. And all of the museums are well over an hour away so.... well, you know. It's also going to be Mother Whistler Day, National Employee Health and Fitness Day and Turn Beauty Inside Out Day.

That's just going to be a tough one to celebrate, I suppose.


  1. I agree with the makeup. I don't like the trowel look either. My second wife wore no makeup at all, and that worked fine for me. In fact my third wife hardly wore any either. I like the natural look anyway.

  2. How did they react to your prostitute story? Probably figured you were full of shit. You seem like a bullshitter :)

  3. Joe- I'm a fan of the natural look as well. Besides, most of that stuff tastes horrible...

    Doug- They thought I was full of crap, which was about what I expected. They know me.

  4. I told my mom that she looked like a surprised pumpkin. - i think i know that lady too.

  5. If your face and your neck are two different colors you're wearing the wrong shade for your skin. Any employee at Macy's could get you the right shade!

    That being said, not all women pile on the make up. Even the best stuff clogs your pores and makes you break out.

    As for comparing them to chickens...have you seen the way men get at a Super Bowl party? Ridiculous!

  6. I live with two females. Most of the machine operators at my work are women. Yeah, I'm about neck deep in estrogen.

    You were risking serious injury with that Babylon story. I agree about the make-up though. It's supposed to subtly accent the natural beauty. It's not meant to bury the face under a mask of clown make-up.

  7. Sunday- It seems to be a popular look. I don't for the life of me know why..

    Chanel- I can appreciate a little bit of enhancement. It's those who have to put someone else's face over their own that bother me. Personally, I don't like the stuff. That's just me. Don't hit me, okay?

    Bryan- It wasn't the first time I was ever outnumbered like that. probably won't be the last. And I told them I was going to write about them and it made them laugh even harder.