Thursday, July 14, 2011

Unprofessional Axe

Oh boy. Count was late late late today. Something (I have no idea what) was wrong and they couldn't make the numbers match up.

And just in case you were wondering, it's really bad when a prison can't make the count come out right. Sometimes that means that somebody is missing.

Here's the deal: Laundry counts their workers and sends them to the chow hall to eat right before count. They stay in the chow hall during count and then as soon as it clears they go back to work at the laundry.

No big deal. We do it every day. They got up to the chow hall and count was called and we waited for it to clear. They were a little late calling it. About 4:35 or so.

And then we waited and waited for count to clear. When it didn't we waited some more.

Finally they called over the radio to send all of the workers back to their houses for a name and number count. Usually when this happens we don't send laundry back. They have already been counted correctly (supposedly) and we keep them in the chow hall.

So Sgt Uncle T got on the phone and called to ask if we were sending laundry workers back to their houses. Things in the control center were a little heated by this time because of the messed up count. From what I heard later not only was Captain Fluffy up there, but Captain Crane, our acting Major was up there as well.

Demanding answers, of course, instead of being of any real use in the situation.

Anyway, emotions were running high and some heated words were exchanged over the phone the Captain Fluffy got on there and told Sgt Uncle T to do what he was told then hung up on him.

Oops. I don't think I've ever seen Sarge quite so mad as he was right about then. He waved his arms and shouted "Send 'em back to the houses!"

We aren't really supposed to do that, but we did it, anyway because that's what the Captain said to do.

So I went to do the Del Norte walk early, because when we have a recount like that, it's what we are supposed to do. But when I got to the gate they called me and said don't do it. So even though I was supposed to do it, I didn't do it because the Captain said not to.

Are you confused yet? I sure as heck was. Here we were in a huge goat rope and we have set procedures that we are supposed to do in these cases. Yet they tossed out those procedures and changed everything and decided to do something different.

Why? I haven't a clue.

But it sure managed to piss everybody off. Sgt Uncle T and Captain Fluffy got to have one of their famous shouting matches over it later. I was glad I was busy elsewhere.

At least we managed to find all of our inmates. Apparently it was just a numbers error somewhere and not someone hiding or escaped. That's always a good thing.

But boy, it sure got downright ugly there for a while.

Tomorrow they have me scheduled to be down in the Sally port. I am so freaking overjoyed. Two hours in the sally port, two hours in the P-car. Two hours in the sally port, two hours in the P-car. What fun.

Aside from being Pay Day, Friday will be National Tapioca Pudding Day and Respect Canada Day. It will also be Gummi Worm Day and Saint Swithins Day.


  1. Policy's and procedures are put in place so when there is an incident all the bases are covered. You know this. You also know that if it makes sence and it's policy somebody up the chain of command will think they know policy or know better than policy and try to change it up where what made sense suddenly makes no sense. Then sometimes what made no sense makes perfect sense but if you have any common sense you don't say anything because if you said something that made sense somebody would screw it all up by doing something that made no sense by following a order from somebody up the chain of command that has no common sense. Then you get yelled at by somebody higher ranking that has no sense of humor. Wow......I should have thought of that while I was there. It would gave made perfect sense.


  2. Hey, there's my dad! :)

    I can see how an off count would be bad news. Seems like the captain was opting for business as usual when it was anything but. That is strange.

  3. I will be diligent in respecting some Canuck, or Maple Leaf, or Canadian in general...perhaps I will sneak an icecube from the breakroom fridge and take a shot on goal or something...I could just benefit from this, as any self respecting American would, and eat a stack of pancakes with plenty of maple syrup...yes, that sounds yummy.

  4. If I were Canadian, I would be mightily offended to have my neighbour respect me for only one day in the year. It would make good commercial sense, if nothing else, to extend that across the calendar.

    Metaphor watch: "we were in a huge goat rope". The Urban Dictionary gave me several helpful origins of this expression.

  5. Greenghost- I wish you were there to spout that nonsense at them last night. It would have boggled them just enough that maybe we could have gotten on with the work of making a good count and they would have left us alone.

    Bryan- The man does some of the strangest things for absolutely no reason I can see other than vain whim. I suspect he's a lunatic.

    Scott- I think you have found just the right thing to do. Maple syrup.... Mmmm....

    Vincent- If you give those Canadians too much respect, it goes to their head. And then it's nothing but hockey, hockey, hockey, all year 'round.
    "Goat Rope" as in "We have too many goats and not enough rope". It's an old military term.

  6. Your procedures actually make sense?!! That is, indeed, rare. Usually, the higher ups write them w/o knowing squat about what actually happens so they make no practical sense at all. Gotta go respect a Canadian, eh?

  7. Lolamouse- Many of them make no sense at all, but the ones for when count is bad are usually pretty sensible. Then they threw them right out the window...

    And the whole respect thing is more of a guideline than an actual rule, so...

  8. seems that management is pretty much just crappy everywhere, isn't it?

    I'm sorry things sucked so bad.

    On the bright side...only once, right?