Saturday, July 16, 2011

Stupid Gnats!!!

If it hadn't been for those stupid gnats, maybe I wouldn't have seen anything and maybe nobody would have gotten hurt. I don't know.

The day started out bad and good. I was supposed to be in the Sally port and I didn't want to go there. When I got in Gray Ham was complaining that he was supposed to be the 4 house bubble and he didn't want to go there. I said "Would you rather work the Sally port?" and he said "Sure!" So we squared with Lt Strong and he was fine with it and we were both much happier.

On my way down to 4 house walking with Woody we heard a broken up radio call. "9..... dog run... by 30 yard." Some female voice. Not projecting, just talking. We didn't hear any emotion or urgency so we ignored it, pretty much. Whoever it was sounded casual so whatever they were saying didn't seem urgent. Then as we entered the 4 house bubble we heard it again. "9.... dog run... by 30 house." That time somebody figured it out and they called "10-49! 10-49! In the dog run by 30 house!"

Cripes. A fight and all the way across the camp. And right at shift change, too! A handful of day shift people got involved. By the time anyone figured it out they had gotten tired and quit fighting and fled towards the yard.

Somebody called over the radio (supposedly from 30 house) and said "The offenders were white and shirtless and heading for the yard!"

I grinned and pretended to push the button for the yard speaker and said "Offender White, Offender Shirtless! Report back to housing unit 30!" That got a laugh.

They managed to find them pretty quickly. One of the guys left a shirt with his blood and his name on it in the dog run and they found the other guy trying to wipe the blood off of his face by the gym. So they got locked up pretty quickly.

And our day went on from there. Closed the yards. Counted. Cleared count and sent them to chow. Got them back in. Opened the yards at 6:00 and let them all out again.

At about 6:15 I went outside to smoke. I usually sit at the picnic table in the shade but there was a cloud of gnats there that wouldn't go away. they kept flying in my face and getting in my hair so I moved away from the house out towards the yard. Just smoking and looking around like I do.

From where I was standing I could see across to B-side yard into the weight pavilion. Maybe thirty, forty yards away. Just looking. Not doing anything in particular. Then I saw some quick movement. It looked like one offender took about three steps and punched another one. I blinked, thinking "Did I just see that?"

Then it all broke loose and I saw two of them move out onto the grass, swinging. And two more. And the first two were still under the pavilion going at it.

Grabbed my radio. "10-49! 10-49! B-side weight pavilion!" And after they had repeated it I added "Be advised there are multiple offenders!"

I was a little ticked off because one: I was the bubble officer and I wasn't supposed to leave. And two: there were three fences in between me and them and I had no keys and no way to get there in time. Pfui.

The yard dogs and everyone else got there pretty quickly and broke it up. It looked like it was under control when there was another flurry of activity. One of them broke loose from whoever was trying to cuff him up and clocked his opponent in the head. About a half a second later Sgt Archer and Sgt Moon came with a flying body tackle that took the guy to the ground so hard I felt the earth vibrate under my feet. I though "Ouch! That's gonna hurt in the morning!"

Since there were so many offenders and so many staff involved, they closed B-yard. Then since they had to pull from A-side to help staff B-side, they closed A-yard as well. The guys in my house were complaining, but on A-side they let us have open wing. On B-side they were locked down tight and they kept them locked down until almost 8:45.

It turned out that Sgt Archer wrenched his shoulder and hurt his wrist taking that fool down and Sgt Moon got somebody else's blood on him so they both had to go to the hospital.

Our mood turned a little ugly.

We don't really mind so much when they hurt each other. That's what they do. But when one of ours gets hurt they quickly discover that they have nothing coming.

It didn't take long to locate all six of the fighters. They caught three right away but three others had vamoosed. But the idiots had left their ID cards in the weight pavilion when they ran away so they were busted quickly and off to the Hive they all went. The fool who got slammed so hard tried to call a medical emergency saying he was having trouble breathing and chest pains. They took him up to medical on the cart and the nurse told him "You just got pepper sprayed and slammed to the ground by about five hundred pounds of pissed off CO. Of course it's going to hurt, dummy! Send him back to the Hive!"

And they escorted him back down to the Hive wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a full set of restraints. He was walking like an eighty year old man. It served him right. He was lucky he was able to walk at all. Personally I...... Well, never mind.

Because of their foolishness they only got to have about 20 minutes of yard time this evening. And the Captain was pushing to leave the place locked down all weekend. That would have served them right, too.

It seems bad to punish everybody for a few idiots, but peer pressure is one of our biggest tools. The ones who had to spend the weekend in the house would make sure that those fools knew how pissed off they were for screwing up their weekend. And they would have probably all gotten thumped again when they got out for being such idiots.

And I almost got away with my part. But when it was all said and done and they were trying to figure out who did what the question came up "Who called the fight?" That rat basticule Lt Chestnut said "I'm not sure, but it sounded like Rev."

Lt Strong called me in 4 house. "You called that 10-49, didn't you?" When I admitted it he had me come up to central and do paperwork. Then more paperwork. The he sent me out on B-side to help out until the regulars got back out on the yard. Then I had to go up and do some more paperwork.

Sgt Moon came back and he was okay and Sgt Archer had his arm in a sling and is going for an MRI tomorrow to make sure, but they thing it's just sprains. I was relieved.

So the question remains. If it hadn't been for those dang gnats, I would have stayed at the picnic table and not been able to see into B-yard. If I hadn't called the fight, would Sgt Archer still have gotten hurt? Who knows? I sure hope he's okay, though.

At least it's Friday.

The weekend lineup goes like this: Saturday is International Juggling Day. It's also National Hot Dog Day, Cow Appreciation Day and Woodie Wagon Day. Sunday is National Ice Cream Day, Wrong Way Corrigan Day and Yellow Pig Day. Monday will be National Caviar Day, Mandela Day, get Out Of The Doghouse Day and Hug Your Kid Day.


  1. At least I enjoyed Respect Canada Day. Wow the things that go on when one is gone.

  2. Wow, a good day to be off and enjoying Respect Canada Day. -Boris-

  3. Boris- I don't know why, but your stuff is still going to my spam box, no matter how many times I tell it not to. Weird. And it was definitely a good day not to be on B-yard. Not a real good day to be out smoking on A-side either, apparently.

  4. Sorry, I just couldn't take Shirtless's cocky attitude anymore. Okay, we get it Shirtless, you have a six-pack and a nice build. We get the point.

    A lot of fights. Hmmm, maybe the heat was making everyone irritable.

    Sgt. Archer has to have an MRI? And after you were just talking about how fun they are.

  5. I don't understand why nobody noticed before you. Don't the inmates get supervised when they're out in the yard?

    Ice cream...

    I don't have ice cream. I have cookies, though!

  6. Bryan- He is a cocky punk isn't he? I don't blame you for an instant. And I do think alot of it has to do with the heat.

    Chanel- We usually 'rove' the yard. Move around and around. It just so happens that nobody was on that section of the yard at the moment. When there's around a thousand of them out at one time it's hard to know where to look.

  7. Geez, I could not handle your job. I think I'll go hug my kid. Then figure out what a yellow pig is!