Trepidation. No, it's not a disease. Websters describes it as a state of alarm, fear or worry. A lingering sense of dread.
I was so worried that I wouldn't get one of those jobs I bid on and all the while secretly wishing I wouldn't. On the way into work this afternoon I had to talk myself out of going to the Major and rescinding my bid so I could stay where I was.
Why on earth would I do such a crazy thing? Why would i purposefully keep myself down in the Hive where it's loud and stinky and stressful all of the time?
Because it's my box. My comfort zone. My house. I know what needs to be done and I know how it works and i usually don't have to wait for instructions. I can just go and do my thing.
Plus, I'm somebody there. I'm the answer guy when things go south. I guess it's my ego straining at the leash.
But I didn't go talk to the Major and I got the Saturday/Sunday job. So I'll be home weekends now. And since my new job starts on Sunday, July 4th, it turns out that I get a three day weekend out of the deal. The first time I've had the 4th off in a few years. Pretty sweet, I guess.
So I get to work one day in the Comm Room passing out keys and radios, one day on B-yard and three days wherever they need me.
I guess I can live with that.
I was still a little worried about going out to places where I don't have the answers and don't always know what to do, but Sgt Miz P and Chucky and even BG were very supportive and told me how much better I would feel once I got out of the place. As BG said "They won't expect you to know anything or do anything and if you do know something, they'll think it's a miracle!"
I guess he's right.
So I'm happy and sad.
Two more weeks down in the Hive. Then we'll see what comes next.
I'll be in touch. You can count on that.
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