Thursday, June 10, 2010

It's My "Oh I'm Scared" Face

We got one of our frequent flyer wobbleheads back the other day. The one that threatened to kick down all the fences while he was out dancing like Michael Jackson.

Yeah, that idiot.

No sooner was he locked back up in the Hive when he started passing threatening letters out the door.

At least, we suppose they are threatening. But most of them are so incomprehensible that nobody is exactly sure what it is he wants.

One of them is addressed to "Mr dongles" or possibly "Mr dongle5". We aren't sure who that one is supposed to go to. As far as we can tell, there is nobody named either dongles or dongle5 on this camp anywhere.

But one of his first notes was the most priceless. I'll repeat it here as verbatim as I can get so I can include the odd spelling and lack of punctuation.

It reads:

"To all Hive sargants and CO you all have 2400 hours to get me out of the Hive or I will have you strip of your ranks and jobs and have me in the hospital this 2400 hours start in 100 hours this is not a thret this is a promes I have the FBI, CIA and the TATF backing me up and let mental health know that I am not playing.
Sine
Capton Egelson"

So do the math. We had 2400 hours, which is of course 100 days. And add the extra 100 hours gives us an extra four days leeway. They were only planning on keeping him for ten days initially, but if we got all this extra time, why not use it?

I called the local FBI office and they claim that they have never heard of Capton Egelson. The CIA, of course, will neither confirm nor deny and I am unable to find a number for the TATF. My phone book must be out of date.

I discussed the note with mental health and they still think he's playing, despite the ominous tone of his message.

So what am I to do? I can't let him out and I don't want to lose my rank (since I really have none to start with) and I can't find Mr dongles anywhere!

I don't look too frightened, do I?

3 comments:

  1. I had someone threaten to get me fired and banned from ever working in my industry again. His threats were verbal, but nearly as incoherent as your wobblehead. I set the phone down and let him rank and rave while I got some work done. When he wound down I asked if he wanted me to forward all the emails from him telling me to do exactly what he was raving about. That set him off on a whole new string of profanity so I hung up the phone. Then I forwarded the emails, to him, his bosses and mine. That was before lunch. Didn't hear a whisper about it the rest of the day.

    Columbiacritter

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  2. Critter- I get threatened on a daily basis. Most of them aren't really as amusing as that one. I suspect that if I ever go back into the public sector again I'm going to have difficulty dealing with knuckleheads. So I'm guessing any kind of public service job would be ill considered. Maybe I could run a complaint department somewhere.

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