Sunday, March 21, 2010

It's An Attention-Getting Device

I got tipped off by Drew's Facebook page that something had been going on. He said "There was sh*t flying everywhere!"

I knew that couldn't be good.

And when I got in they told me that Schmelvin (remember him?) had been playing in his poop all weekend. He'd got himself put on suicide watch and had been smearing himself all over several times a shift. There had almost been several uses of force on him getting him out to the shower while his cell was cleaned.

He's just another one of those that will do anything at all for attention, whether it is good or bad.

I decided to ignore him and see if that worked. I went into the wing several times to do this or that and every time I came into the wing he call me and I just breezed on by like he hadn't spoken.

After dinner I went into the wing to kick trays and I could smell it as soon as I walked in. With nary a glance in his direction, I went about my job getting the trays back from everyone else.

Someone downstairs yelled "Hey! The guy in 1 cell is playing in his poop again! You have to get him out and get him a shower!"

I just smiled and said "No I don't."

As I walked out of the wing I saw his face at the cell window with his war paint on and I just breezed on by. He started cussing me as I left.

Later on he tried digging at his leg with his fingernail to make himself bleed. But he kept hurting himself and finally stopped.

We ignored him.

He stood up on his sink like he was going to jump off.

We ignored him and he finally got down.

He covered up his cell window with his smock but he wasn't tall enough to reach the top of the door to get it to stay there. So he just stood there holding it up over the window. I could see him on the camera and I said "If he knew how hard I was laughing right now, he'd stop."

We ignored him and he got tired and cold and he quit.

After a little while he got tired of smelling like poop and we saw him washing his face and hands off in the sink.

Not long after that he just sat on the bunk and sulked. Sgt Miz P went in and asked him if he wanted a shower. He was pouting, so he didn't reply.

And right before I left he laid down and tried to cover himself up with the smock and sleep. I guess the poor little pumpkinhead got tired.

I guess what they say is true Ignore-ance is truly bliss.

We really need to write that strategy into policy somewhere. It works.


  1. Drew- You just can't argue with success. Might not work the next time, but it did work this time.