Thursday, February 4, 2010

Ooooohhh...... I'm Scared!

Jeez..... You'd think I'd be all blase' about hearing these guys talk tough. But every once in awhile one of them just rocks me back on my pins.

There's this little wobblehead over in C-wing. Maybe five foot four and a buck sixty. Scrawny. If he's not complaining of mental problems, he's having chest pains so somebody will pay attention to him. I refer to him as "Schmelvin".

He's just kind of pathetic, if you know what I mean.

We had him out on the rec yard and one of the old heads was blowing him up about what a tough guy he is. Ol' Schmelvin puffed his chest all out and told them about one time he spent five days buck naked out in the woods in Alaska during the winter on a bet.


I spent four years in Alaska and the average temp there during the winter was forty below. The last winter I was there it was eighty below.

I wonder what part of Alaska he was in?

Maybe the southern part, where it's warmer.


And then the old head asks him "Do you take all those meds because you need them or just to get high?" And Schmelvin says "Oh, I need them. I have mental problems, you see."

There were a few barely suppressed snickers and giggles from some of the other cages at that point.

And Schmelvin goes on to say (Let me check my notes, I want to get this just right): "Lemme put it this way..... If I wasn't taking my medication, this whole fence would be down and several CO's would be dead."

And then he started dancing like Micheal Jackson.

Okey dokey.

When it was time to take them in, I told BG that he'd better cuff Schmelvin up himself, because I was skeert.

He just snorted at me and shook his head.

I get alot of that.