Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Heads Or Tails? I Don't Know...... Maybe....

We got this idiot in today. An inmate, of course. He'd gotten thumped pretty good down in the Silly house and they sent him from medical down to us. Had a pretty good shiner. Young kid. Maybe 25 or so. Taller than me. He was acting kinda squirrely but that's nothing new down in Hiveland. As I escorted him to his cell the conversation went like this:

Inmate: "Do you have a cell where I can be by myself? I really want to be by myself."
Me: "Nope. We don't have any empty cells. You're going in here."
Inmate: "I just don't want to be in a cell with anyone."
Me: "Sorry, chief. You aint booked into the Hyatt Regency here. We don't have any empty cells to put you into. You're going in here."
Inmate: "Well, okay, I guess."

Got him into the cell and shut the door. I figured he wasn't going to last too long in there, but I had to work with what I had. And this aint the Hyatt or even the Ritz. I don't shuffle inmates around so he can do his Greta Garbo act.

Not twenty minutes later as I'm passing trays he hands me a note that says "I can't be in a cell with anyone. I want a cell by myself."

I read it and tossed the note in the trash.

Four or five notes later Sarge gets pissed and says we'll move his cellie out and he can be in there until we get someone else in that we have to put in there. We tell the cellie to pack up and the knucklehead comes to the door and we have this conversation:

Inmate: "I don't want to make him move. Don't you have a cell where I can be by myself?"
Me: "No. We have been over this. We don't have any empty cells."
Inmate: "What about a suicide cell?"
Me: "Those are all full."
Inmate: "But what if I go on suicide watch?"
Me: "Then we will move some people and put you on suicide watch. Are you telling me you are going to hurt yourself?"
Inmate: "Well, no, but....."
Me: "Then we are moving your cellie. And you stay in here."
Inmate: "If I go to a suicide cell, will I have to go on suicide watch?"
Me: "Yes. We will put you on full suicide watch until psych can see you in the morning."
Inmate: "And when will they come and see me?"
Me: (getting very frustrated) "In the morning!"
Inmate: "Okay, I guess."
Me: "Okay what? Are you saying you are going to hurt yourself?"
Inmate: "Yeah, I guess I'm going to hurt myself."

Well, snap.

Get him pulled out of the cell and get him parked on the bench with someone watching him.

Now the game begins. Who to move? That always sucks. C-wing is chock full of idiots who either shouldn't or won't move. We narrowed it down to two choices. Moved the guy from C-11 over to D-wing. Moved the Prophet out of the camera cell in C-5 and moved him to C-11. Then got this dipsnap stripped out and smocked in 5 cell.

Then, the paperwork began. Doing the Suicide Intervention report. Changing the numbers and the boards. Changing the files and moving them around.

And they wonder why I have such a crappy attitude when I come to work.

Ah well, I brought it on myself. I elected to stay in the Hive and I have to pay the price.


  1. Now I know what I will have to di if I ever get locked up.

  2. Guy- And you would look so fetching in that kevlar smock. You sure got the legs to pull it off. And this young knucklehead is going to find out what it is like to have an entire shift of officers pissed off at him.