Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Curse Of The Utility Officer

I get cut alot of slack around here. I know I do. Most of the Lieutenants like me because I show up for work almost all of the time and I'm always here early and I can and will do almost anything.

Almost anything.

I'm "dependable". Somebody told me that today. I was startled to hear somebody say that. But it is true, up to a point. I can be counted on to show up and do whatever they need me to and not screw it up too bad most of the time.

So I get some cake assignments now and then. Like when I got put up at the front desk last night. It's boring as heck and very little if any actual work to do and I spent most of the night up in the fishbowl with Sgt Puddle and Vinnie and Miz Twang.

Today I got the mail run, which is an easy way to start the day and then I went to A-yard. By the time I got there all the work was already done and all I had to do was walk around until the yard closed.

And once count cleared I stood around on the yard until chow was over and once the yards opened I stood around until they closed again about thirty minutes later.

But when the evening count came around I got hosed because I was the utility guy. The Fireman went to 4 house to count because he's assigned and gets first choice and I got stuck with the count and relief in 2 house with The Guy Who Is So Annoying I Can't Even Come Up With A Nickname For Him.

One and 1/2 hours locked in a bubble with him took years off of my life, I'm sure.

I though about gnawing off a limb to see if I could get away but decided against it. Once you start doing that you get a certain reputation, if you know what I mean.

I survived. My brain feels like it's been sandpapered, but I'm alive.

Sure took a hosing on that deal, though. And Sgt Banty is off my Christmas Card List.

Wednesday will be International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day. Oh, I could have so used that today. It will also be National Emergency Nurses Day, Free Thought Day and Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work Day.

I'm afraid my teddy bear would be considered NSFW, I'm sure.


  1. You have such a way with words - I could feel your frustration with "He who shall remain nameless".

    I think every occupation has one of those annoying dolts hanging around to balance things out amongst us working drones...that way we've all got a tale to tell.

    It just wouldn't be "fair" life is ever fair, eh?!

    Great post.

    Cheers, Jenny

  2. Atypical Dan Dee LionOctober 12, 2011 at 7:50 AM

    I am so going to need this day today as I embark down the road of training my group on processes they should already know! Oh, the joy I am sure to feel the moment all of them look at me, with those sad little aged eyes, and say: "You can do that?" And I will deflate like a balloon filled with corporate glee and tell them yes, yes you can.

    And then I will show them all the same method 6 months from now and get this exact response again.

    safeword: pusumpol

    Where characters from the "Shrek" world go to get away from their wives and conduct business meetings.

  3. If they had to stick an adjective on me, it would probably be difficult; at least after last night. I generally do what I'm told, but I'm not a mindless fool and I have limits. Last night my boss was asking me to do something so stupid and pointless, that I just ended up walking away before I said something I regretted. He ended up doing it himself, which I felt kind of bad about and I knew I was putting myself on thin ice, but what he wanted me to do was so dumb. I'd go into details but it's too long and boring a story to get into here. Suffice it to say, it was one of those situations where they have certain ideas drilled into their heads and they can't or refuse to look beyond them, even when it brings them to complete absurdity. I'm sure you have plenty of situations like that.

    (The captcha word is "kametoer", which is a camel toe aficionado. "Say, the Bob is a real kametoer. He can spot 'em from a mile off.")

  4. P.S. "Difficult" should be in quotes above, as in they would stick the adjective "difficult" on me, not that they would have a difficult time sticking adjectives to I'm made of some kind of slippery, elusive, adjective Teflon or something.

  5. Jenny- You always make me feel so good about what I have written. If you were closer, I'd give you a big hug.

    Atypical Goofball- I'm glad you made supervisor before I did. Now I can listen to your gripes and see what I may have coming. If I ever do promote, that is.

    Bryan- I have been labeled with that adjective as well. At times I will say "We can't do that, it's wrong and here's why.." Or I will say "Okay, I'll do it, but you ordered me to. And I have witnesses."

    I have also been labeled:
    Loose cannon
    Nut Case
    Class Clown
    Know It All

    And the worst one of all:
    Nice Guy.

    Sheesh! Can i borrow some of your teflon?