Friday, August 26, 2011

Here's Your Sign!

Tonight after the yards closed I was sitting outside the shack with Sgt Uncle T and we saw Sgt Major walking from 6 house all the way down to 30 house. I cruised off in the cart to give him a ride. First thing he looks at me and says "I hear you did a real boneheaded thing."

All I could do was nod. I knew what he meant. "Yeah, I did."

He kind of gives me this half smile and says "You'll make an excellent Sergeant."

"Man, I sure hope so, anyway."

After I ran him down to 30 house and back, all the while he is giving me Segeantly advice, he tells me to come down to the house when I can, as he has a story to tell me. So I get done what I need to get done and trot on down to the house later.

The offenders, just like us, have to get a TB test every year. If we don't take ours we get put on admin leave without pay until we get one. If the offender refuses he gets thrown in the Hive until he agrees to take one.

So one of the offenders from 6 house goes up to get a TB test done. Two days later, when he goes up to have it read, there's a brand new tattoo on his forearm covering the spot where he got his TB test. The nurse sees that and knows it wasn't there when he got the test so he gets a violation for tattooing on day shift.

Third shift comes on duty and hears about it and somebody goes to search his cell. Just because. And lo and behold, rolled up in a sock in a laundry bag with the guys name on it, is the tattoo gun. So he received a second violation.

Nine times out of ten, when someone gets a new tattoo, the gun gets immediately dismantled and stashed in different places so nobody gets caught with it. Sometimes they even just throw them away.

And this fool had four hours after he got busted with the new tat to get rid of the gun and apparently it never even crossed his mind.

Here's your sign!

That is why I never worry about losing my job through lack of customers. We will never run out of stupid people.

I am so ready for Friday. Scheduled to be up in the Control Center again with Sgt Banty and Stubby.

And what kind of day will it be? Let's check the Magic 8 Ball!

Friday is going to be National Cherry Popsicle Day. Okay, that's a good start. It will also be Daffodil Day, National Dog Day and Women's Equality Day.

Sounds like it might be a pretty good day.


  1. Ah, the throws of penal life never cease to provide good wholesome entertainment. I almost want to commit murder and make my way to the hive myself, but I am far too lazy for that kind of thing.

    safeword: copte
    several meanings for this one. Says here, a special device for Correction Officers who like to play indoor Golf when superiors are not looking. (sounds OZ-like)Also, what "little people" ride instead of the bigger, more adult oriented whirlybirds.

    Speaking of OZ, how close was that show to what really happens in the Hive?

  2. I would have thought that they all got issued signs the minute they walked in the door at that joint. Not the brightest bunch on the planet, I'm sure.

  3. Scott- If you want this kind of fun, it's better to be on the other side of the bars. The food is much better out here.

    (grin) I like your definitions. I haven't gotten many good words lately.

    I have only watched a couple of episodes of "OZ" in the very first season. But from what I saw it was fairly accurate. Kinda scary, huh?

    Bryan- Like I always say, if it wasn't for stupid people, I'd be out of a job!