Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Okay, So I'm No Poet

A week or so ago out on the yard, somebody started humming the song "I've Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash. You can click on the link to hear it and see the lyrics.

Of course, none of us could remember much of the lyrics until stupid me went and looked them up. We had fun singing the song and trying to pronounce some of the names and guess where they were.

Then Sgt Uncle T looked at me and said "You should rewrite that song about this place! Hell, You've been everywhere here! Go ahead and write it up and have it for me next Thursday!"

So...... I did. It's not perfect, but here it is.

They’ve Stuck Me Everywhere

Got a job at the local penitentiary
Eight hours a day of indentury
Doing twenty to life on the installment plan.
I came in prepared to go wherever they would need me that day.
Tossed my lunchbox on the counter
And showed it to the man.
Four bottles of water, three packs of smokes
Two sandwiches, three candy bars, a banana
And four pages of email jokes.
He said “Where the hell you goin’, man?”
I said “Hell, they’ve stuck me everywhere.”

They’ve stuck me everywhere, man
They’ve stuck me everywhere, man
They’ve moved me here and there, man
Gawked at inmates bare, man
Outcounts I’ve had my share, man
They’ve stuck me everywhere.

I’ve been on A-yard, B-yard, 9 yard and 30 yard
Medical, Laundry, Infirmary, Library
It aint too hard
Control center, Comm room, Front Desk and P-car
A-dining, B-dining, Main Production, Sally port
They’ve stuck me everywhere.


I’ve been to 1 house, 2 house, 3 house, 4 house
9 house, 30 house, 28 and 25 house
The Hive house, 6 house, 7 house and 8 house
10 house and I’ve learned
I don’t wanna be a house mouse
Drug the punks off of their bunks
When RDP was open
They’ve stuck me everywhere.


I’ve done restrain check, A & B Rec
And been to chapels on every side
Strip room, Visit room, Education
Watched the suicides.
Potty watch, Close Ops, Meal loaf and Med pass
Phone calls, recreation, movement team
And AA meetings
They’ve stuck me everywhere.


I’ve run to 10-5’s, Code 16’s, Code 70’s
And 10-49’s.
I’ve been 10-7, 10-8, 10-9 and 10-99
My 10-20 is freaking everywhere
Some nights they can’t decide
I’ve been 10-1, 10-2, 10-3
10-4 good buddy!
They’ve stuck me everywhere.

(Final chorus)

Like I said, I'm no Shel Silverstein. But I hope you got a laugh out of it. It doesn't exactly fit the original music, but I think I covered just about every single place in the camp.

So Wednesday is Tell A Story Day and Administrative Professionals (which used to be Secretaries) Day. It is also Babe Ruth Day and Morse Code Day.


  1. So now its time for some of you to sing it and link to it so we can all hear it. Don't be shy.

  2. Given all the songs Johnny Cash wrote about prison, I think he'd grant his blessing to your parody.

  3. This is great. I love writing parody poems, if only because I can't write poetry without some outside help. Can I use this with my students next time we time we do this kid of thing in class? (Never mind the asking for permission. Teachers steal anything they can use.)

  4. Joe- I just don't think that's gonna happen any time soon. I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.

    Bryan- And all the time he spent writing silly things with Shel, I'd like to think so too.

    Brent- As long as I don't have to come explain it to them, help yourself. I'd be honored.