Monday, May 7, 2012

That's Crazy Talk!

I only got viscerally involved in this one, but it was too good to pass up.

At one point this evening I heard the laundry officer call Sgt Uncle T and say he had one in cuffs. I stepped out front, just in case. But he went willingly and there wasn't any problem so I went back to my office and my coffee pot.

A little while later I get a call from Holler over in 30 house. He says that the ladies from laundry are there and they had a violation for me to read. Making a big show over what an inconvenience it was with a grin on my face all the while, I made my way over there.

When I get there one of the laundry staff ladies hands me a violation. I always like to read over them just to make sure they sound okay and there aren't any major errors.

In a nutshell and a bit paraphrased, it said this:
Offender Knucklehead came up to me and pointed at the other laundry supervisor and said "If you stay here for five years like she has, your butt will get just as big as hers. I don't even know how she manages to put her pants on. Maybe she uses baby oil."

I snorted out loud and had to clap a hand over my mouth. Finally I managed to croak "Did he really say that?" When she said yes I turned away to calm myself (under the guise of getting the keys to the office) and tried hard to swallow the loud guffaws that were threatening to tear out of my throat.

Regaining my composure somewhat I said "What an idiot."

While I'm reading the violation to this guy he's looking at me like I'm speaking Swahili or something. I suspect it's an act, but he could just really be that stupid, I don't know. When I get done I ask (like always) "Do you have a brief statement?"

He breaks into this big long rant, trying to reconstruct the entire conversation one piece at a time. All the while Tilt is standing there just in case he flies off the handle. We finally got him stopped and I distilled his rant down to "I didn't say that." and called it good.

And he was a good distraction because while I was reading that violation out loud, I came really close to breaking out in uncontrollable laughter again. Especially when I got to the part about the baby oil.

Even now I am getting cramps in my jaws thinking about it.

What a freaking idiot.

I know the laundry supervisor he was referring to. She's a nice lady and pretty tough and I think she would have snapped him in half if he had pissed her off enough. And her.... fundament.. is nowhere near as big as he was making it out to be. Just to be quite clear on that.

Not that I've been looking or anything...... I'm just saying.

So.... backing away slowly from that now......

Tuesday I'll be in the Hive. Yee-haw. Ah well, it's my Friday.
Tuesday will also be No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day as well as National Teacher Day, V-E Day, Red Cross day and National Coconut Cream Pie Day.

Have No Socks and a smile!

Or something like that.


  1. Did you mean "vicariously", or was it a joke, or did I misunderstand your meaning?

    Confused in Ohio

    1. Bryan- I may have meant vicariously. Or possibly viscerally or both. It sure didn't really involve me other than with entertainment and there wasn't alot of thought in any of my reactions, so either one would have been good, I think.

      But I'm also easily confused.

  2. Back at work in Memphis.May 8, 2012 at 8:28 AM

    Ooh, Have a Coke Day. Sounds lovely. Much better than have Pepsi day, but I will leave it to you to discover why.

    1. Back At Work- I'm not much of a Pepsi fan, anyway. I heard they are using some strange ingredients now.