Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Just The facts, Ma'am...

The blog you have been reading is true. Only the names have been changed to protect my employment.

(cue music)
"Dun-da-dun-dun-duuuuuuunnnnnnnn!"

This is Raccoon City. At any given time it houses around 1700+ inmates, 100-200 correctional officers and around a hundred psychologists, nurses, doctors, clerical staff, caseworkers and administrative personnel.

I work the evening watch out of central security. My watch captain is whoever happens to be there that night.

My name is Sgt Rev.

And I carry a badge.

(cue music)
"Dun-da-dun-dun-duuuuuuunnnnnnnn!"

Okay, that was silly.

I've been asked several times in the last couple of months if I'm making all of this up. Just writing stories for my own amusement or for the edification or amusement of my readers.

As much as I hate to admit it..... I'm not making any of this stuff up. The average criminal class in this place is actually that lame.

Like I said once before, there are no Hannibal Lectors here. No Professor Moriarty's. Not a rocket surgeon in the bunch.

If you don't believe me, go to Bozo criminal Of The Day and look through some of their archives. Your average criminal has the intelligence of a rubber door stop or possibly a FOX news analyst.

There are people who work in Raccoon City with me that know I'm not making this stuff up. Sgt Drew, KP, Vinnie, Coup, TJ and others. They deal with the very same knuckleheads day in and day out just like I do.

They just don't write about it as much.

So the answer is: "Yes Virginia, there is a Raccoon City".

And I live in it five days a week. Doing twenty to life on the installment plan.

P.S. The Hive was pretty boring tonight so I had to fall back on my Plan B. Hence, this nonsense.

Tuesday is going to be National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day, Inspire Your Heart With Art Day and Brandy Alexander Day.

Let the celebrations begin!

15 comments:

  1. I wish we could make this stuff up, then again if we could we really would be crazy haha.

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    1. TJ- If I could make this kind of stuff up, I'd write a book and be a famous author like you!

      Delete
  2. Sgt. Rev...of the night shift...

    From where I sit, madly typing away, your world sounds very exciting and interesting; I imagine if I was walking the yard or doing head count I would find it routine and akin to "doing twenty to life on the instalment plan" - but I"m not "living it" therefore "reading it" is very interesting and, in fact, quite intriguing, to say the least.

    Is there a National Gin Day anywhere on the horizon? Just wondering...my Bombay is feeling a little neglected!

    Cheers, Jenny @ Pearson Report
    Co-Host of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.

    Boy...my handle just gets longer and longer, doesn't it!!!

    You are planning on partaking in this Challenge...right?!

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    Replies
    1. Jenny- Some days it seems just routine. Then some days I look around and think "This place is nuts!"

      I'm still thinking about the challenge. Never done anything like that before.

      Delete
    2. Well, then now's the time to do it! Round up your posse and git at 'er...or something like that!

      Seriously, I'm inviting you, and your blogging pals, the frequent commenters here, to go for it!

      Okay, enough pressure...(I'll be back...)

      Delete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. This comment was also removed, and I suspect by the same author as the above.

      Delete
  4. Thanks partly to you, I'm becoming an expert on true life stories in American jails. Last night I watched "True Crime" starring Clint Eastwood as the intrepid and badly-flawed reporter. Will he prove the innocence of the man on Death Row, due to be executed at midnight by lethal injection? I totally believe that it is like that in San Quentin, short of being an actual documentary.

    And then there was my correspondent in Death Row, Florida, some years ago, in the days of my do-goodery. He still advertises for pen-pals on the Net, even though the Department of Corrections there has made it illegal to do so. This is his entry:

    “Date of Birth ; 19 Sept. 1960, Race; Caucasian - Indian. Physical description; 6', 185 lbs, dark brown eyes and hair, muscular. Hello world ! I am JT, divorced easy going person, and a little shy. I enjoy reading, music, dancing, water sports, and so on. I am seeking people that take friendship serious to write, and who knows about that one special lady. I will write all that choose to write to see where friendship goes. I have been on Death Row, since Oct. 7th, 1999 under a sentence of death for a crime I did NOT commit. I have been working hard at proven my innocence, and know one day I will be freed from this injustice. Death row is a place many guys are optimistic, and have hopes, dreams, and a strong will to aid themselves in contending with facts of being sentenced to death, and the suffering of abandonment of family and friends because they can't for one reason or another bear the burdens associated with capital punishment. By which the prisoner loses the support that is badly needed, and he starts to lose faith that there is a world outside of this hell he lives. Here a prisoner is confined to one man cell 24 hours a day, unless the inmate is summoned by prison officials, the medical dept., go to a one man shower cell, recreation twice a week for two hours, or if lucky occasionally recieve a visit. Day to day activities generally include: talking, playing chess, reading, writing letters to whoever and overworked lawyers. If the prisoner has the funds in his account, he can buy a TV/and or radio, and to purchase canteen to counterbalance the poor diet. Life does get very lonely here. Please do write!”

    I always did think he was guilty. You can judge for yourself, here.

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    1. Having been his occasional correspondent for 2 or 3 years, I do believe that JT could write a cheery interesting blog about life on Florida's Death Row, and the deed he had to commit (or in his version, not commit) to get put there.

      But I imagine that just as the State in its wisdom has banned soliciting for pen pals by this set of inmates, it would not look kindly upon them starting their own blogs.

      Delete
    2. Vincent- I need to go back and watch True Crime again. It's been awhile. I looked at JT and personally, I think he did it. Never believe a word that comes out of an inmates mouth. The only reason they reach out for anything is because they think they can get something.

      Delete
  5. "Rocket Surgeon"? Nice!

    The captcha word is "Thoyliv" That's where someone says they're going after they find out that wasn't a dab of mayonaise that they just put in their mouth.

    Grosssssssss! Even I'm sorry for that one.

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    Replies
    1. Bryan- That was gross. Even for you.

      That was....

      That was nasty.

      Delete
  6. Hey Rev! Check out the blog, I just gave you an award you need to pick up. Haha

    ReplyDelete