Saturday, January 21, 2012

It Had It's Ups And Downs

My day didn't start off well at all. The National Weather Service was predicting that we might get anywhere from a tenth of an inch to up to a quarter of an inch of ice in the form of freezing rain between this afternoon and midnight.

And it started sprinkling right as I got to work. I had a feeling that I was going to be there a long time.

Then they started this new carp that if you come in and clear the metal detector then go back outside for any reason you have to clear it again. Meaning if you have already come in and got your keys and radio and all of the carp on then step out front to talk to somebody you have to take it all off again before they will let you back inside.

What the freaking snap?

I had to watch the control center while Sgt Banty was in a meeting with the major. No big deal. I went up and did an inventory and everything that was supposed to be there was there.

Then Weird calls me from the Comm Room and says a set of keys are missing. Not signed out. No key tabs. And he had shift change lined up at the door and didn't have time to look for them.

Aw........ fragsnaggle. Why me? I was just watching it for a minute.... Snap.

Start making calls trying to find out where the keys are and opening and closing doors for people who are impatient going in both directions. At one point the Chaplain was standing there tapping on my window giving me a snotty look because he wanted to leave. I came close to giving him something that would have gotten me a severe talking to later.

Sgt Strings volunteered to go help look for the keys and I almost kissed him. And then Banty came back from his meeting. I tossed the whole thing in his lap and beat feet. I was uncharacteristically pissed off and really needed to be somewhere else for a change.

Not sure exactly why, but I was. And there it was.

They sent me to 2 house with Doozey and Hayseed and The Guy Who Is So Irritating He Doesn't Get A Nickname, which didn't help elevate my mood any at all. Doozey and Hayseed are all right, but that guy..... Man, I don't know about him.

I spent alot of time outside either smoking or pretending to smoke just so I didn't have to be in there.

Stubby and Miz Twang called me later to see if I was all right. I'd calmed down a bit by then and actually managed a laugh or two. I appreciated that.

Doozey and Hayseed kept pointing silly remarks and little digs at The Irritating Guy then looking at me. Several times I had to shake my fist at Hayseed being The Guy's back to make him stop. He was going to get me to say some seriously un-sergeantly things if he wasn't careful.

I nearly bit a hole in my lip several times. Having fun at his expense is like trying to sandblast a saltine cracker. Takes no time or effort at all.

Things went fairly okay until the 10:00 count. They had a new procedure in place where each inmate has to come to the door of his cell and be identified and say his name and number before we can move on. It's not too difficult and only a little slower than the old way so it was no big deal.

We got our count done and called in about 10:25. I was supposed to get off at 10:30 but I was going to wait for count to clear before I left. So I sat and waited.





We start hearing radio traffic. Having the yards run their IP inspections again. Phone calls being made. Uh-oh....


Okay, this is getting ugly. We start discussing what would happen if someone was actually missing and what we would do.


Oh snap. We might not be going home tonight after all....

10:59 Count cleared!

You could hear a sigh of relief go up all over the whole camp. I packed up my stuff and left.

Just a little freezing rain had fallen. Just enough to cake over my truck windows nice and solid.

It took me twenty minutes of scraping my windows for my fifteen minute drive home. I burned more gas warming the thing up than I did going anywhere.

But I'm home and it's Friday and I'm done. Whew!

Here's the weekend lineup and I'm hauling my happy butt to bed.

Saturday: National Hugging Day, Fancy Rat And Mouse Day, Squirrel Appreciation Day and New England Clam Chowder Day.

Sunday: National Answer Your Cat's Question Day and National Blonde Brownie Day as well as Roe vs Wade Day.

Monday: National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day, and Measure Your Feet Day as well as Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day.

Keep the celebrating calm, please. I'll be sleeping.


  1. Numbers have been messed up for a couple of days. When I drove in the Hive the other day the control center swore I had one less than the computer and my count actually had. I was so glad to see LB that day! That place will make you grey on day shift!

    1. Sgt Drew- Some days it's just hard to see the forest for all of those trees, isn't it? Some days I swear I age at least a month in eight hours.

  2. I was enjoying this but the ending was frustrating. I wanted closure on the missing keys. If you bent your tales for the sake of the story, as Bryan does on his "Counted Sheep" blog, and then carried on pretending they are the absolute truth, it would be nice. But perhaps you do that anyway. No denials or confessions needed.

    1. Dreams have the virtue of being made up to begin with. ;D

    2. Vincent and Bryan- Some days I wish I made all of this stuff up. And the keys went home with someone who was pissed off about having to bring them back. Too bad for him.

    3. I was about to say that that happened in a movie I saw, but then I remembered that it wasn't a movie; it was my life. I was working as a guard and someone had taken the keys to the 2nd guard house and they had to come all the way back from home to drop them off. It still feels like it happened in a movie, though. I don't know why. That would be a pretty dumb movie.

  3. Who thinks up some of those "days"? Fancy rats and mice? Huh????

    1. Donna- It's not me. It's the official list, I swear!

  4. I assume you were shaking your fist "behind" the Irritating Guy's back, unless Hayseed has the ability to become people's backs and you were shaking your fist at him to stop his metamorphic shenanigans. Anything's possible, I guess. Who knows how you crazy kids pass the time?

    My captcha word under the comment I made to Vincent was "redness" That's when something has a distinct red coloring.

    1. Bryan- Yup. You got me. Didn't catch that typo. And you'd be amazed and probably appalled at how we spend our time, most days.