Saturday, November 10, 2012

Lame Explanations Dept.

99.9% of the time if you find someone in a prison with marks on their face of any kind (bruises, scratches, cuts, etc) then you know that they have been in a fight.  It's a given.

I actually had an offender who got popped in the eye by a baseball almost break down crying because he thought they were going to lock him up.  I had to escort him to medical and back to his house and explain to them what had happened in front of him so he would quit freaking out.

Of the rest of them with facial injuries, unless they have a staff member witness what happened, they have been in a fight.

One sure way to tell if it was a fight is if they say "I fell out of my bunk."  Every single inmate who has been in a fight has said that when confronted.

I think if some inmate came up to me and said "I fell out of my bunk" I would just go ahead and put them in cuffs out of instinct.

"Hey!  What happened to you?"

"I fell out of my..."

"Turn around, lunchmeat."  Click-click.

You know... Most of us stop falling out of bed when we are about three or so.  Yet these guys keep dropping like flies.  Maybe we should have a resolution passed and remove all of the bunkbeds and just make them sleep on the floor.

Then they would have to find another lame explanation.


  1. CHEESE KITTY!!!!!

    Oh...ahem... sorry about that. Where were we?

    I really did fall out of my bunk at summer camp one time. I went to roll over and I rolled right off the top bunk. My pillow and blanket came with me so I just went right back to...

    Hey, what are you doing with those cuffs?

    Why are you implying that I'm some kind of cold cuts? I know that I need to take a shower and I do wreak a little of that corned beef sandwi....

    Hey, where are you taking me?

    I'm so confused!

    1. Bryan- Cheese kitty was pretty awesome, wasn't he?

      And I hope you aren't insulted that I don't believe a word of your story.

      Let's go...

  2. You should totally cuff him on grounds of using wreck instead of reek, since he gives you such a hard time with the alot monster.

    *sniff* "What is that stench?"

    "Sorry, I have been sweating like a Chicken. I must smell like a ten car pile-up."

    "Yeah. You definitely wreck of something."


    1. Well, actually I said "wreak" as in "wreak havoc" not "wreck." But you're right, I should have said "reek", so yeah, I gotta give you credit for catching me making the same kind of mistake that I always give you guys a hard time for.

      Happy now?

      Well are you?

      ARE YOU!!???


    2. Scotty- Maybe he wreaked havoc on the sandwich which was why he reeked. He does that alot. (big freaking grin)

      And Bryan- Yes, I'm quite content now. Alot. (he said in a smug incomplete sentence)