Sunday, November 18, 2012

I Don't Know How To Act!

Every once in awhile when I was a COI, Sgt Uncle T would get called up to Central towards the end of the night to be the acting Lieutenant when one of them had to go home early.  Manning the phones and taking call-in's from midnight shift and such.

I always thought "Man!  I don't ever want to do that!  No, thank you!"

And then tonight was my night.  Joy.  I got to be acting Lieutenant for almost 45 minutes. 

It wasn't an Oscar winning performance.

While I was up there 9 house called and said that they might have had a fight.  There was one inmate with blood on his head and they got a tip that he'd been in a fight with another one.

Just freaking dandy.  St Francis was supervising some inmates helping the plumber fix a drain in B-dining.  Uncle Scary was helping count 6 house.  And I couldn't leave because I was the only one in Central and somebody has to stay there.  Pfui.

Well, count finally cleared and Lt Pants came back up so I scooted down to 9 house to get the skinny on this fight.  We looked at the guy with the bleeding head and we all agreed that he'd either been in a fight or had just flat been assaulted.  He denied it flatly.

Can you guess what he said happened?
Let's say it all together now....

"Sarge, I fell off of my bunk!"

Ding!  Thanks for playing.  For a consolation prize we are locking you up, poindexter.  There were too many other marks on him other than his head.  He'd been thumped.

We checked out the other guy who supposedly did it and there wasn't a mark on him anywhere.  Not a bump or a bruise or a scratch.  And unless we saw it in person or on video, there wasn't anything we could do, so he got a free ride.

He could have done it.  And it's my belief that he probably did.  But without an admission or any evidence there was nothing we could do.

And so ended my illustrious career as the acting Lieutenant.


  1. Your work world would make a great board game. First of all the names you give everyone are you have a master list so you'll remember them all? Or are you just smart! :P

    As always, I'm intrigued and properly impressed, Mr. Acting Lieutenant, with your daily duties. (the spelling of "Lieutenant" drives me mad - as it's too early for an adult beverage...I'm doubling up on caffeine)

    Have a relaxing Sunday!

    1. Jenny Lou- My life would make a bad comedy, most days. I should have made a list years ago, but I never did. So mostly I just wing it. And sometimes I forget someone's nick and have to make something up. Whoops. (grin)

  2. Great work Robby/ie! Perfect timing too as I had a first date just last night! I appreciate the "be yourself" advice because that is what I do and I won't apologize for it! ;) BTW I seriously almost ordered mac and cheese on the date last night...I really wanted mac and cheese balls but they didn't have them (I settled on fried cornmeal batter - it was a southern themed bar). Looking forward to the next guest entry!

  3. Hmm. Ever feel like you walked into a room filled with Eskimoes, expecting to enter a nudist colony, standing around with your favorite dildo in your hand, wondering why everyone is staring at you? Just trying to understand How to act on the First Date...Kind of lost on it. Kind of lost in general today...might be something in the air.

    1. Glad you said something...I was thinking maybe I had showed up at the wrong colony myself...with my polar bear in tow!

      You do hear me cracking up, right!!

    2. Scott & Jenny- I'm kind of lost here myself. Is this my blog? And where did all of these naked Eskimos come from?

  4. Oops my mistake, I walked into the room marked 'House of Mirrors Thought Logic 101 for Creeps and Players'.
    Yep that Bobby is a good enough writer I suppose. Most likely dreams of getting rich enough at it to open his own Hustlers Store. Creepy world the internet.

    1. Anon- Congrats. You just made it even creepier!