Do You Speak English?

You know.... I try really hard not to be a racist against anybody.  Not the black and white thing.  I don't care about that.  But against people who aren't from this country.  Those who speak another first language besides English.  Or American.  Whatever the heck we call this nonsense we speak.  If you are here from somewhere else and trying to learn our language I will give you all of the help and patience that I can allow.  And even some sympathy now and then.

As long as you aren't a telemarketer or working a tech support desk.

Being a man of mostly words I treat my birth language with awe and respect.  I love what this language can do and project.

Plus, it's the only language I know fairly fluently, so I'm hanging onto it.  At least for the foreseeable future.

However.

If you have lived in this country all of your life and haven't figured out how to speak recognizable English by now then I have absolutely no respect or patience for you.  Especially if you are anywhere near my age.

We have some people who volunteer to come and put in hours in our chapel in the prison.  Personally, I wouldn't hang around with these knuckleheads for free, but that's neither here nor there.  All they have to do basically is be affiliated with some church and be able to pass a background check in order to be able to come in and preach or whatever it is they do up there.

They get no training, as far as I know.  They just issue them some keys and a radio and say "The chapel is up there."

Certainly nobody ever teaches them how to talk on the radio.

There's one volunteer that we get alot who does not have a clue.  He makes all of his radio calls to the "tower."  And we don't have a tower.  Sometimes he gets on there and rambles and repeats himself several times and even when he does that he's hard to understand.

But one of my favorite transmissions is: "VIC to the tower.  Can I go ahead and release the mens?"

Mens?  Release the mens what?

I don't think I want to know, really.

But ever since I've heard that I have to fight from saying that on the radio myself.

The other night one of the rec officers called and asked if we were ready for rec release.  I had to bite my lip to keep from saying "10-4 B-rec!  Release the mens!"  I had to stop and very slowly say "Make.... your... release..."

Some parts of my job are more difficult than others.

Release the mens!