Monday, March 12, 2012

Too Much Excitement

I had a feeling it was going to be one of those days and for once, I was right. Had to leave early to make some extra stops on the way into work and it threw my whole routine off.

But things were going okay until I hit the front door of the control center. Just walking in from the parking lot when I heard over someone else's radio "10-5! 10-5! On B-yard!"

For those who haven't been keeping track, that means "Officer needs assistance right freaking now!!!"

And through the fences I see people running from all sides. Oh snap. I didn't have a radio yet so I couldn't respond. Fortunately it didn't last too long and nobody got hurt.

None of us, anyway.

I thought to myself "This isn't a good way to start the day."

They had the mess cleaned up by the time I got inside and I moseyed on down to my house. My regular crew was there so I figured I was in good shape. Since I am over both 10 and 30 house on Sundays and Mondays I decided to go check 30 and see the lineup over there and my heart sank.

Annoying Dude got a bid down in 30 house and it was his first day down there and he was in the bubble. Basically in charge of the house. Joy. Along with him I had Kermit, Teacher and Tangina. I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth and cursed whoever had done the staffing roster.

They must really hate me.

**long deep sigh*** Aww... snap.

I went over there and said "Hey, I'm here. Call me if you need me." and ran away, hoping that Fate would smile on me.

The next thing I hear is a Code 16 on 9 yard. GQ was on the yard and I was a bit mystified when he didn't state what form of medical emergency it was. He's usually right on top of those things. So I started trotting that way just to see if i could be of any assistance.

From the distance I could see the 9 house nurses cart on the walk and an inmate laying down in front of it. I thought the nurse was there checking him out.

Finally GQ gets on the radio and says "He got run over by the nurses cart."

Aw frickety fracking snap. I am so glad I didn't see that happen. Apparently she tried to stop and hit the gas instead and knocked him down. That was going to cause no end of paperwork. Luckily Sgt Miz P was there and Lt Chipmunk showed up with Sgt Major. I looked around and said "Looks like you guys have enough supervisors. I'm going back to my house."

I beat a hasty retreat before anyone really noticed I was there.

Not long after that Teacher got into a disagreement with an offender over in 30 house. Things got a little heated and I was afraid it was going to get ugly. At the last minute I realized that Teacher had said one thing and the inmate thought he meant something entirely different and was getting pissed off.

When I pointed out what was said and what was meant I could see a light come on in the guys head. He looked at Teacher and said "Oh. I'm sorry, man. I completely misunderstood you." Teacher actually apologized for not making himself clear and they parted amicably.

Whew! Potential disaster averted.

I went back to my house and was getting ready for count when I heard Tangina call another Code 16. She's not very good on the radio and when she stated the nature of the emergency she said "The offender is getting ill."

Now what in the name of snap does THAT mean? I pulled my coat on again and trotted over there.

When I got in the house I knew what the problem was. The offender is a real fragile diabetic and bottoms out quickly and hard. And when he bottoms out he has seizures. Hard ones. He was pale and sweaty and disoriented and twitching.

Snap! It's five minutes to count! Ran up front and told them to get a stretcher. Called Vinnie in the Control Center and told him we'd be moving the guy. Call the Lt and told him the same thing.

Started to run back to the wing then turned around and barked at Annoying Dude "Call 10 house and tell them I won't be there for count! Get someone to cover for me!" I think I scared him a little bit.

Normally the yard sends at least one officer to a Code 16 but this time nobody showed up so I rode up on the nurses cart with the guy to medical. I called and had them send out their porters to carry him in but they had already sent them back to their houses for the evening.

Sgt Archer had come over from A-side and he and I toted this 200 pound guy on the stretcher into medical. About the time we got him picked up he started seizing and swinging his arms around. I had to walk leaning back so he didn't punch me in the face. Not an easy feat, let me tell you. But we made it inside without me getting smacked and I was happy.

I managed to make it back to my house right before count cleared. I had just enough time to gather my stuff and turn in my keys and head out, happy that the night was over.

As I was walking out I heard Capt Wheelie call Sgt Major on the radio to come to medical. I'm guessing he was going to ask why none of the yard dawgs responded to that medical emergency and why the 10 house Sergeant had to ride up on the cart with the nurse.

I'd liked to have known the answer to that one myself.

But I was too busy getting out of Dodge before anything else happened. I'd had enough excitement for one night.

Tuesday I'm going to be on the yard, theoretically. Let's see what kind of day it's going to be?

It will be Jewel Day (so far, so good), Donald Duck Day (yeah), Earmuffs Day (I hope not), L. Ron Hubbard Day (Okay, he was a lunatic, but...), National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day (No, not pushing my luck) and Coconut Torte Day. Not a big fan of coconut, but I can live with that.

Sounds like it might be safe to celebrate. I'll risk it!


  1. For some reason I kept reading that title as "Too Much Excrement" I've been having a weird day. (Must be L. Ron Hubbard's fault.)

    1. Bryan- I was probably thinking something along the lines of "excrement" when i wrote it. As a matter of fact, I can remember saying something like that out loud several times during the evening.

  2. I'm thinking you need a "Gin with three olives" day in there somewhere - it's a little top heavy with Don, Ron and those Coconuts at present!

    Can't wait for tomorrow...

    1. Jenny- I'm more of a Scotch fan and I'm allergic to olives, but I'm right there with ya! Johnny Walker, take me away! (grin)

  3. Yah, Johnny will do...but I'm a single malt kinda gal.I had a wee bit of a relationship with Glenfiddich in my earlier years...then I moved to Bombay (my fav Gin) - though on rare occasion I've been know to "cheat" on Bombay. *grin*