Monday, September 10, 2012

Nightmare On Raccoon Street

What do these three celebrities have in common?

Well, I'll tell you. It might come as a shock.

It certainly did to me.

It was a busy night all over the camp. Nothing really spectacular, just random silliness that seemed to keep everybody hopping pretty steadily.

I was managing to keep my head above water for the most part. Until I got the radio call from CTC.

I've talked about them before. They are the guys that are too mentally disturbed to live out in general population with the other inmates, so they are kept separate. The crazy practically leaks out of that place.

I always hate it when they call me. It's rarely anything good.

Anyway, I go pupping on down there and they tell me this one offender is wanting protective custody, claiming that he's being sexually assaulted.

I thought "Oh snap... Here we go..." I figured the paperwork on this one was going to last me all night. So I sit down to talk to the guy and find out what his deal is.

Well, it turns out that he claims that Louis Farrakhan (head of the Nation of Islam Church) and Bill Cosby (the comedian) were sexually molesting him in his dreams.

Just like Freddy Kruger. Imagine that.

He went on to claim that all of the staff knew about it and we weren't doing anything about it because Louis Farrakhan had him put in prison so we would all have jobs.

If that's true I may have to send old Lou a thank you card or something.

Anyway, I kept the smirk off of my face and said "Let me make a phone call. I'll be right back."

So I called Lt Wyatt and told him the story. But I left out Bill Cosby. He asked me if there was any evidence of sexual assault.

I just stopped and looked at the phone for a second. Then said "No. There's no need. I don't think Louis Farrakhan is actually on this camp. I'm pretty sure he is just coming in the guys dreams."

Wow. Okay. I admit that I had to look him up, too. But I was already pretty sure he wasn't here.

Luckily, the guy wanted to go to the Hive for a few days of R&R. He didn't give us any trouble and went on his merry way.

But the whole thing just left me shaking my head.

Bill Cosby? Really?


  1. To be fair, if there are three people that will or have already been burned and serving a long sentence in hell, it's those three. You forgot to tell him thought that he could control his dreams, like they did against Freddy in "Dream Warriors". Next time, just have him raise an anti-Black Panther party, complete with a hefty supply of Jell-o Pudding Pops and he will be fine.


  2. Send 'em to me Rev! I've always got a bed for your crazy adventures! Midnights is no fun at all. All I ever get to do is answer IRRs about the White Devil. *sigh*

    1. Sgt Drew- But you do so enjoy being the white devil...

      Hopefully you can come back among the living soon.

  3. And here I thought you were posing some kind of fun riddle, and I was wracking my brains trying to figure it out. I wouldn't have guessed that answer in a million years. Wow.

    It's like saying, "What do a bicycle pump, a gumball machine, and a palm tree all have in common? They all told the guy in cell 3 to kill his neighbors and cover their corpses in peanut butter."

    At least you meet some...interesting people.

    1. Bryan- You just gave me a severe case of the giggles, you know... (grin)

    2. That's alright. Your post had me laughing until there were tears in my eyes.

  4. I DO know who Louis Farrakhan is. Hey, my daughter got us watching Lockup, and every time I watch it I think of you.

    1. Donna- I knew the name but I had to look him up to be sure.

      And most of the time the places they show are much worse that where I work.

      Most of the time, anyway.