Monday, September 17, 2012

Left Speechless

It's not often I get left speechless. After all, I've been working in a freaking prison for almost ten years now. And I have seen an awful lot of... pretty awful stuff.

But tonight got to me just a little and I'm not sure if I can even talk about it, let alone should or will.

There are some things that I won't talk about and alot of things I can't and won't say here. Confidentiality issues and keeping my job issues are pretty much numbers one and two on that list. Just not necessarily in that order, you understand.

Deliberately grossing out my readers is another line I don't want to cross too often as well.

Let's see if I can weasel my way around this and at least get some of it out of my head.

There's an inmate who has a certain "medical condition." It makes me uncomfortable to think about and it's even worse seeing it in person. Let's just leave it at that, shall we?

It's just freaking gross, people.

Anyway, one of the nurses came down to inform me that his condition was getting worse and it was possible that it might become life threatening very soon. She just wanted to keep me in the loop in case something happened.

I pondered the info for a few brief seconds and said "I believe I'll just pass that buck along to my zone lieutenant." And about thirty seconds after I said that Lt Pants drove up on the cart.

I smiled widely and said "You are just the man I was looking for."
He took one look at that smirk on my mug and said "Aw, hell."

You just can't please everybody, I guess.

I gave him the rundown on what was happening and he went down and talked to the nurse and decided to pass the buck further up the chain and called Captain Strong. The Cap said to call a Code 16 (medical emergency) and have him seen by medical.

Now, when we call a Code 16, we are supposed to include the location and the "nature of the code", whether it's chest pains or bleeding or whatever. I was interested to see how he described the nature of this code.

I said "So... how are you going to word that call?"
He replied "I'm not making the call. You are. How are you going to word it?"

I used a few words that I won't write here. Then I grabbed my radio.
"T-5 to Raccoon Station. I have a Code 16, 10 house, CTC.............. umm..... hernia?"
It was the best I could come up with at the time.
And about as accurate as I was willing to get over an open radio channel.

But being left speechless like that is hard and surprising. It doesn't happen too often.

Anyway, medical decided they couldn't do much for him without a doctor. So they made him an appointment for tomorrow and sent him back to the house.

Which we all knew was going to happen.

And if I never have to see that again in my entire life I will be content.


  1. All the more lurid and creepy for being left to the imagination. It seems to me that your job is an uneasy mix of martial arts, zoo-keeping and nursing at its most literally visceral.

    1. Vincent- You have pretty much described my job. Except for the long periods of boredom in between.

    2. Right - I left out "Night security guard". That should cover the boredom.

  2. Hang in there .. it doesn't get easier.

    1. Davoh- Thanks. I needed that, my friend. (grin)

  3. Sounds like someone needed some Prep H and a few reverse gelcaps.

    Anywho, I sent you an invite to an "exclusive" um...Hernia? no. Project B-man and I are working on. I figure you are the right man to have along for whatever the hell this thing is going to be. Plus you can flex your writing muscles...Join us! Won't you?

    1. Scotty- I don't think any over the counter meds were going to touch that one.

      I will be there looking the place over. Believe me. It looks like fun!

  4. So if an inmate has a glass eye do you guys let them keep them or are they considered potential weapons?

    1. Anon- As long as they don't use them as a weapon, they get to keep them.