When I first started with the department, lo these many years ago, I thought that it would provide me with an opportunity to save some money.
I could get one free meal a day and free haircuts. I figured that would help me save some cash in the long run.
So I tried my first state meal. And then started bringing my dinner after that. Now I eat on the states dime about once a month. I've always been a finicky eater anyway and I should have known that wasn't going to work.
Then I went and got my hair cut. I sat down in the chair and said "Leave the sideburns, just trim up the sides and get it up off of my ears."
The first thing this moron does is "Yonk!" with the clippers and takes off one of my sideburns.
Ten minutes later when I'm done chewing him out I sit back down in the chair and his hands are shaking so bad he did a crappy job of the rest of it. And I'm so mad I could hardly see straight. I told him he better find another job. I damn near sprayed him for that I was so pissed off.
And right then and there I decided never to let another inmate cut my hair. Even though almost everybody else does it.
Of course after being down in the Hive so long, I'd had so many of them threaten to kill me that there was no way I was going to let an inmate near my head with a cutting device. Let alone stand behind me like that.
Yeah, I'm paranoid. I can admit that.
The other night I'm up in the Moon Room again. Nuts and Butts. I think the Lt. likes putting me in there. He sends me there alot.
The strip room is right next door to the staff barber shop. I've been meaning to go get a trim for a couple of weeks now but haven't had the money. I pay fifteen bucks a pop to a very nice lady up the street who knows exactly what I want. In the way of a haircut, that is.
So I look in and the inmate is nobody I have ever dealt with. If I don't know him, he probably doesn't know me either and probably holds no grudges. He's doing nothing but watching teevee so I stroll in and tell him "Leave the sideburns and trim the whole mess down to about a quarter of an inch long." Then I look him dead in the eye and say "Leave the friggin' sideburns, understand?"
He got it.
But his idea and my idea of a quarter of an inch were a little different. By about half. I now look like a fuzzy gray peach with sideburns.
Ah, well. It saved me fifteen bucks and I'll probably be able to go longer than a month before I need another one. And I'll probably start letting it get a little longer now that winter is coming on. Don't want no frost bite on my head bone.
We all have to make sacrifices........ **sigh**
So tomorrow is not only Veterans Day (and Rememberance Day for you Canadians in the crowd) but Air Day as well. After all, what's a day without air? Remember to breathe! Yeah!
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