Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Be Like Mongo!

Well, there I was.... Sitting in the P-car and thinking to myself "Well, at least it finally started raining. Now I'll have something to write about."

I was beginning to despair on having any inspiration at all.

Then Vinnie wandered out front for a smoke. So I drove up and parked next to him and we chatted for a moment or two.

And he told me this story and I couldn't resist it.

It seems that this weekend Vinnie and his new bride were driving somewhere out towards where there starts to be a bit of "country" around, if you know what I mean.

Around here you don't have to drive very far to find that.


Suddenly a deer leaps out into the road in front of the car. Vinnie slams on the brakes and swerves to try and miss it, but no such luck. Car and deer collide. The deer flies to the side of the road and the car pulls over.

They're okay. Don't worry. But the car and the deer were both a mess. The deer was laying there with four or five of it's legs broken. The cars grill was smashed along with the windshield.

The deer is laying on the side of the road and Vinnie goes over and stands with his foot on the deers neck to keep it from moving. He's a little pissed off.

So he gets out his cell phone to call his brother, who happens to be at deer camp at that moment and says "Hey, you want this deer? Come get me and the wife and the car and the deer and you can have the dang thing."

The deer starts trying to move around like it's going to get up and he starts yelling "Stay on the ground! Stay down, you son of a buck! Stay down!"

Like the deer could understand him.

It's Vinnie, what do you expect?

The thing slips out from under his foot and tries to get up. Vinnie hands the cell phone to his wifeling and leans down and punches the deer in the head and knocks it cold. Miz Vinnie is on the phone with somebody and she says "Oh my gawd! Vinnie just punched a deer in the head!"

So his brother gets free deer meat without firing a shot. Vinnie gets a broken car and a sore hand and (I suspect) a little more machismo respect from the missus.

And me, I get a story to tell.

At least it was better than the last deer hunting story I heard. One guy a few years back was on a first date with some girl when he hit a deer with his truck. After making sure she's all right, he gets out to look at the deer. It's pretty busted up, laying in the ditch and bleating in pain. He looks in his truck for a knife to cut it's throat with and can't find so much as a nail file. The only thing in there (since he cleaned it out for his date) was his bag of golf clubs.

So he beats the deer to death with a nine iron. I know it sounds cruel, but it was the only thing to do.

And, being a hunter and not wanting to waste the meat, he tosses in the back of the truck.

It turns out his new date was both a vegan and heavily into PETA.

They never did get a second date.

Well, that's all I have tonight. It rained. And I heard a good story.

Some nights are like that.

Oh my. I just checked the list and tomorrow is Occult Day. Great. And I work in a haunted prison. Ohhhhhh..... boy.


  1. Hey, I like PETA too. But my PETA means People Eating Tasty Animals!

  2. I used to work at a rural vet clinic and had to get there ugly early. One morning while driving up the windy narrow road I hit an elk cow. She crushed my rt fender and buckled the bumper. Lucky for me she also broke her neck. Long story short I used my winch to get her carcass up into my truck and backed it into the treatment barn at work. My vegetarian boss was not happy to find the carcass hanging in a stall to bleed out.

  3. You know, it's really hard to trust people who won't eat meat anyway. I'd say no loss on not getting that 2nd date. ;)

  4. Joe- You and me both. I loooove animals. Medium rare with fries.

    Anon- vegans just don't get it, do they? Would it have been better to leave it by the side of the road?

    Just Plain Tired- I'm with you. They are a shifty lot. I do not understand people who don't eat meat.