Back To The Old Grind

Well, that lazy layabout Vinnie finally came back to work this weekend after being gone with a broken finger for over a month.

What with Stubby bidding back in and the delectable Miz Twang being back off light duty that means that my time in the fishbowl has probably come to an end for now.

I mean.... I'm glad Vinnie came back and Miz Twang is back at work and all... But I still have a lot to learn up there. Lots of things I don't know yet about working the control center.

But I learned enough to hopefully step up just in case we have a bad night and they need a pinch hitter, which is what I went up there for in the first place. Wasn't really looking to make a career of the place. But I am going to miss being up there in the thick of things.

On the other hand, the place was frightening and daunting and aggravating and sometimes very stressful. Things tend to happen quickly and there is a lot of responsibility up there when things go bad. You have to know how to make a decision and who to call when you don't have all the facts and all of the bazillion people who have to be kept in the loop at all times.

I don't think I'll miss that part of the job. Not so much. But I'll miss the people. Good folks, all of them. And if I had to be locked in a twelve foot square glass fish tank for eight hours, I don't think I could find a better crew to be locked in with.

Well, a couple of them could be more attractive, but that's neither here nor there. Just aesthetics. Ya know?

So I guess I'm just going back to being a utility infielder for now. The go anywhere and do anything and not complain too much about it guy. Well, except for those long distance outcounts, anyway. I'm not too good with those. I get lost easily. But other than that, I'm good.

I will kinda miss talking on the radio, though. Once I got used to it, that part was kind of fun.

Tuesday is going to be It's My Party Day, National Coming Out Day (oh, boy) and National Face Your Fears Day.

What if you're scared of coming out parties? That would be a tough one.

Go Ask The Old Man

Holy cats. There have been a few things lately that have made me feel really old. And tonight was definitely one of them.

They had me scheduled to work 2-10 at 2 house with Miz Chatterbox and Peachfuzz. I was planning on spending alot of time in the wings and outside. There's only so much information I want to absorb in one night And Miz C tends to fill me up quickly. But she called in so they sent us Beach Boy.

I think Peachfuzz and Beach Boy together are as old as I was when I first started with the department. Young as heck.

At one point I leaned over by Peachfuzz and sniffed and said "Yup! He's still got that new smell to him!" I'm surprised they didn't both smell like baby powder. Sheesh.

None of us really knew the house. Sure, we'd all worked there a few times. But all three of us were utility officers and didn't know the routines of how the house runs.

So every time something came up, they would both look at me. I'd stop and raise an eyebrow and look back at them, waiting for one of them to make a suggestion. Then I'd say "Okay, do it this way." Neither one of them wanted to make a decision.

That's fine. I can remember being new and running into things outside of my purview. And I can remember years ago hearing someone say "Go ask the old man. He'll know what to do!"

Now tonight I was the "Old Man" in a house I didn't know very well. It felt good that I made the seemingly correct decisions. After all, they weren't very hard to begin with. Nothing went bad and nobody got hurt, so it went well.

I suppose I should have tried to turn it into more of a learning experience for them. I could have asked "Well, what would you do?" and see if they came up with the same decision I had. I need to start trying to think more in the mode of a supervisor instead of being the guy who says "I know how to do this, I'll go do it."

If I put my mind to it, I can probably teach somebody something now and then.

It feels kind of funny. Part of the time I am up in the control center where I am new as can be. There's still a bazillion things I need to learn up there. I'm a control center newbie.

But in other places I'm the old man. Like I was one of the original settlers or something. Jeez.

Maybe next time I'll just try whacking them with my cane and see if that works.

Young whipper-snappers, anyway.

So here's the weekend lineup:
Saturday is going to be American Tag Day, Alvin C. York Day, National Depression Screening Day, Universal Music Day and National Pierogy Day.
Sunday will be Moldy Cheese Day, Lief Erikson Day, National Chess Day and Clergy Appreciation Day. Support your local Rev!
Monday is going to be National Angel Food Cake Day, International Newspaper Carrier Day, Native American Day, Naval Academy Day and World Mental Health Day.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

10-6-2011

Friday I am 2-10 at 2 house. Without a single regular person in the place. Hoo boy.

Luckily, it's 2 house. Nothing ever happens there.


And Friday is going to be National Frappe Day (whatever a frappe is) as well as Cephalopod Awareness Day, National Denim Day and World Smile Day.

That felt really strange.

Making Cutbacks

Due to the economic downturn we are regrettably going to be laying off a significant portion of the staff here at Attitude and Pepper Spray and making some hopefully temporary cutbacks in the postings.

Actually my life has gotten kind of boring and very little is happening. And I am tired of trying to do the Seinfeld "It's a blog about nothing!" deal. It's getting to be a chore.

So instead of posting every day and saying that nothing happened, I think I will just wait until something significant does happen or I get a good idea for something to write about, then write about it. I need to go back to taking notes again.

For those of you who were showing up every day, thank you. And don't worry. I'll be around.

If nothing more than to post the next days calendar.

Thursday (bacon and egg salad on the yard day!) is going to be German-American Day and Come and Take It Day and Mat Hatter Day.

More tea, anyone?

Forgot What I Was Going To Name This Post

Even though I am glad I am not down in the Hive anymore, I still miss the simplicity of being there every day. I knew when I had to come in and I had a reasonable idea of what I was going to do and when I would leave.

Of course I never went in thinking "Okay, I'm going to find some idiot and spray him and slam him and be here until 2:00 am doing paperwork."

Sometimes it happened that way, but I never planned for it. Hey, it's prison. Snit happens.

But now that I'm somewhat of a free agent there's people asking me to come work with them all the time. And I know that soon I am going to need to find a place to settle down in so I can get myself back in a routine. I really like knowing where I am going to be and what I am going to do every day.

It's kind of boring but it's comfortable. And I am all about personal comfort.

Heck, even when the Hive was at it's worst and craziest I was comfortable down there. It was my house and I knew what to do and when to do it and how to get it done.

I don't like change, so much. Even though things are changing constantly here I find my own personal comfort in my routines, even if they are small ones like when to show up and where to go. I could get comfortable in places I really don't like to work that much, like the regular housing units or the comm room or dining. They are not my favorite places to work but I could get comfortable there if I had to.

I'm trying not to rush into anything without thinking long and hard about it first. But I do need to find me a new home soon and quit all this wandering about.

Guess I'll just keep my eyes and my mind and my options open for the time being and see what happens.

Wednesday (my day in the hopefully calm Comm room) is going to be the National Storytelling Festival, World Teachers Day and Balloons Around The World Day.

It all sounds like alot of hot air to me!

Bad Image

I remember way back when I first started thinking about writing a blog. Other than having a place to rant and blow off steam (I really needed that then, more than I do now) was a chance to try and correct the image that people have of corrections officers in general.

Like most people, before I started working here I had absolutely no idea what it was like inside of a prison. All I knew what what I saw on movies and mainstream teevee. Shawshank Redemption and Green Mile and Big House and Lockup. And all I knew about corrections officers was that they all seemed to be either sadists or ex pro wrestlers or big bellied good ol' boys like the sheriff from "Smokey and the Bandit."

Then I actually got inside and found out that most of my preconceived notions were wrong. Sure, we have our share of idiots. A few hotheads and troublemakers and nogoodniks who do little more than cause trouble for everybody else and make us all look bad. Those are the ones who end up on the news and make people say "Those people are no better than the inmates!"

Because that is what alot of the public thinks about us. They watch the same teevee shows I did.

Often when I run into someone who doesn't know me and I tell them I work at the prison they look at me sideways like they are trying to see if I'm some sort of serial killer in disguise. Obviously I'm not big enough to be an ex wrestler. And my belly isn't quite big enough to run for sheriff.

And they are quite surprised to find that sometimes I can be quite pleasant when I'm not provoked. I can actually read and write. I'm not an alcoholic and I don't beat my wife (she'd kick my butt if I tried, anyway) and I'm not "on the take" for some drug cartel.

Like 99.9% of the rest of us, all over the country and probably all over the world. We are just here trying to do a job and support ourselves and our families the best we can and go home in one piece at the end of the night.

Fame? Nuh-uh. None to be had here. Not unless I do something phenomenally stupid. That's more like infamy, anyway. And people expect that from us.

Fortune? No way, Jose! Even if I were corrupt it wouldn't be worth the consequences. With our obviously ridiculously high pay and outrageous benefits package I should be happy to do my job at half the wages! (You'll note I have a very snarky look on my face right now.)

Survival? Yeah, that's about it. Like I said this evening talking to Sgt Banty, this is the only true growth industry left in this country. Until we start shipping our inmates to Mexico or Pakistan or China, there will always be jobs to be had with the DOC.

Man, I sure hope nobody takes that idea seriously. I think. Maybe.

But, unless this blog goes super mega viral and gets translated into a hundred languages, I suspect we will always be stuck with this horrible public image.

Maybe, if we're lucky, our image will keep a small handful of real morons from applying for the job. And that's always a plus, in my book.

Tuesday is going to be National Golf Day, World Animal Day, Improve Your Office Day, Cinnamon Roll Day and Ten-Four Day.

Yay!

Porgie

What can I say about my friend Porgie?

Well, for one thing if you met him outside of work it would never even cross your mind that he might work in a prison. A toy factory, yes. A prison, no.

Of course it shows how bad my predictions are. When I first met Porgie I thought "That man won't last five minutes inside there! They will eat him alive!" But it's been what.... years now. And Porgie is still around. Just the same as he was that very first day.

I would say he's a "simple man" but that doesn't really describe him very well. There's sort of a connotation with that makes him sound like he's stupid. And Porgie is far from stupid.

But he does play that role very well. And he uses the fact that other people think he is stupid to get them to do his work for him. Luckily for us, we know better and make him do his own work.

Porgie is nice and mellow and a bit meek and mild. I don't think he would really be of any use at all in a major dustup but if there's normal ordinary things to do like wing walks and packing property of just generally "keeping an eye on things" then Porgie is your man. he's the guy you would leave in the bubble if something bad happened. He wouldn't get the doors open quickly, but he would get them open.

I was running a house bubble tonight around my least favorite time of the day. When all the inmates were coming back from chow. At first it's a trickle, then a stream of them. All coming in through the same door and going to four different wings and calling for their doors to be opened. I know I am supposed to be controlling the flow in the house when I am up there but it still gets to me. I get aggravated and I've had a lot on my mind lately anyway and I started getting pissed off.

Good old Porgie stepped in and said he would get them back in and that I should just sit down and relax for a few minutes. He sat down and started popping doors at the slow to medium pace he does everything at, letting them in gradually. Every now and then he would just stop and hit the intercom button and say "I'll get to ya as soon as I can, fellas. I'm doing the work of six men up here!"

And they would all laugh and he would go back to popping doors again, slowly but surely. I just shook my head.

Later on in the evening Porgie and I were out front having a smoke when somebody called a fight on the yard. Being the bubble officer, I wasn't supposed to go. I looked at Porgie and said "You going?" I should have known better. He looked at me and said "Well Rev, do you think I should?" It would have killed me if he had gone. He would have stuck his hands in his pockets and ambled that direction like he was looking for a flower shop.

Instead I said "I got this!" and took off running. The last thing I heard as I hit the end of the walk was "Rev, do you really think you should go? You're the bubble officer!" I just shook my head and ran anyway. Luckily I got there late and didn't have to get involved. I probably would have gotten a good frowning at for being out of the bubble.

And Porgie went back in the house and did things at his own pace and everything in the house went just fine.

Maybe I should try to be more like him.

Here's the weekend lineup:
Saturday- World Vegetarian Day and Magic Circles Day as well as World Card Making Day.
Sunday- Name Your Car Day, Change A Light Day and Techies Day.
Monday- Virus Appreciation Day (oh yeah, like that's gonna happen), Child Health Day and World Habitat Day.

Good luck stringing those together!