An interesting topic came up in conversation today. We were wondering about the psychological effect of working around so many disturbed people for such a long period of time. I wonder if they had taken a psychological profile of me five years ago what would be different now.I know I'm a bit more outspoken. I used to be rather introverted except around close friends. Now I'm more likely to tell a total stranger to go blow it out his smoke hole if he's bothering me. I've done it a few times and it's always startled me.
I'm more likely to invade someones personal space to gain an advantage. I was never really very "touchy-feely" with other people before. I'm not all that now. But I know now it sometimes knocks people a step back when you invade their space and it can give you just enough edge to sometime defuse a situation.
I never really was a violent person before. Sure, I've been in my share of scraps, but only if I couldn't avoid them. Now I'll dive into a fray without thinking much about it and grab body parts and twist them around until somebody squeaks. I'll think about it afterward and say to myself "What were you thinking?" My thoughts before were always "Somebody might get hurt." And now it's "Better him than me."
I've noticed my speech patterns have changed. I used to swear alot. I still do sometimes. But nowhere near as much as I used to. Especially at home and out in public. Out here I just say "snap" alot. People make fun of me for saying that. I guess it's from hearing so much profanity at work I don't feel the need to use it so much myself.
I can no longer stand to be crowded. People walking behind me make me skittish. Going into Walmart when it's busy can be a trying time. I'll usually just leave and come back later.
Are we doing ourselves harm by working down there for so long? I still feel like the same person. But if I was wearing a tinfoil hat and hiding baloney in my socks I probably wouldn't feel any different inside my head. I still think I'm a fairly nice guy, all in all.
But coming up behind me suddenly for any reason is not a good idea. If I know who and where you are, I'm okay with it. But if you catch me off guard, things might get messy.
