There are signs up over all of the offender phones that state "ALL CALLS FROM THIS PHONE ARE SUBJECT TO MONITORING".
The offenders take no notice of the signs and say some of the stupidest things over the phones sometimes. Every now and then we get a call from some phone monitor saying "Go find offender such and such and lock him up under investigation. He's trying to arrange for drugs to be smuggled in. Or he's threatening someone or he's threatening suicide to his mother if she won't send him some money."
They are always so surprised when they get locked up. They never think that somebody actually listens to any of those calls.
One of the knuckleheads got grabbed up today, not long after he hung up the phone. Apparently he called his girlfriend and had an escape plan all laid out. He was going to fake some sort of serious illness to get sent out to the hospital and she was supposed to bring some guns and meet him there and he could get away.
Well, that didn't work. Someone else was listening.
The last time I saw him he was in the back of a state vehicle in full restraints including thumb cuffs, surrounded by six heavily armed transportation officers with bullet proof vests and they were off to drop him at the Maximum Security prison down the road.
And I'm sure the local PD would be making a visit to his girlfriends house real soon as well. Willing to bet her address would be changing fairly soon, too.
They don't look kindly on that sort of thing around these parts.
Those idiots really should learn to read the signs, don't you think?
I'm down in the Hive tomorrow and again on Friday. I'll probably be grumpy when I get home.
So Wednesday is going to be Opposite Day, A Room Of Ones Own Day, Macintosh Computer Day, World Leprosy Day and National Irish Coffee Day as well as Burns Night (which celebrates the poet Robert Burns, and not what you do accidentally with dinner).
I'll take the coffee. You can keep the leprosy, thank you.
Wednesday sounds promising...minus that World Leprosy situation you've got going on in your neck of the woods. Might I suggest locking it up with those dim wits that can't read!
ReplyDeleteI hope life in the Hive doesn't totally grumpify you, then for sure you'll need that double Irish coffee in a room of ones own while surfing a Mac for your favourite Burns piece you've been longing to "listen" to!
It's all about the listening, isn't it?! :)
Cheers, Jenny @ PEARSON REPORT
Jenny- You got that right. Most of them are too busy talking to listen. A major flaw.
DeleteBuncha geniuses you have there, huh? It's like the people who read the signs that say "Don't back up-serious tire damage" and then back up their car! I'll pass on the Robert Burns night-haggis sounds disgusting!
ReplyDeleteLolamouse- If we put up a guillotine with a sign that said "Don't put your head in here" we would lose at least one inmate a day. And maybe one staff member a month.
DeleteI'd pass on the haggis as well.
In all fairness, that doesn't just ring true with your people. It's a global sickness of illiterate nimrods not paying attention, even when the words they can't read are being read to them. Countless times, during my time as one of those dirt-bag debt collectors we all love to hate, the guy next to me, the one who knew he was being recorded at all times, would always threaten to have someone's house taken away or have a sheriff come out to arrest them if the full amount was not paid immediately. I'd always lean over and tap the offender on the shoulder and say, "Look, buddy, I am not the smartest nut in the trail mix, but you just tapped yourself breaking about four different laws yourself...you may want to update your resume and leave off that part about "Professional Bill Collector."
ReplyDeleteScott- If they could all read and comprehend, I'd probably be out of a job.
DeleteSsshhhh! Don't let it get around!
I didn't know it was Burns Night till I solved a cryptic crossword clue this morning: Bob's on fire - it's his night! (6, 5)
ReplyDeleteSo we are going to the pub where they serve haggis. Lolamouse, you don't know what you are missing.
I suspect that if there were no warning notices about phone monitoring, the word would soon get round among the prisoners that there is phone monitoring. I bet they believe one another's rumours, but think the official notices are mere bluff.
Vincent- You are so right. They'll swallow rumor over fact any day.
DeleteMaybe you can make your own plaque to hang underneath saying "No, it's a lie. Nobody is listening to you." I'd give it a day before somebody complained that nobody listens to them.
ReplyDeleteAmy- Oh, I wish I could. I'd get in so much trouble...
DeleteJust shows once again that if they had any sense, they wouldn't be in your tender care.
ReplyDeleteI think Vincent might be right about rumors having more credibility with the inmates than official signs.
(The captcha word is "sinfer" as in, "That's a powerful sinfer lot of idjits ya' got up at that there place.")
Bryan- And there it is, in a nutshell.
DeleteAnd that sounded just like Jed Clampett! (grin)