Beans, Beans! The Musical Fruit.....

Even for the seven years I was in the Army or all of the years I was in the Job Corps did I ever in all of my natural born days ever see a place that served beans for all three meals every single day.

I just cannot recall ever seeing a single meal served without beans of one sort or another.

If I had to live on nothing but state food, I would starve. I don't care much for beans.

Plus I know what eating beans does to me. It's not a pretty sight. Not a pleasant thing for any of your senses.

And I'm pretty sure that somewhere close to three thousand people all eating beans at the same time just cannot be good for the ozone layer. I can just see some environmental science geek making the connection now...... "Holy snap, it's not the cow farts and SUV's that are destroying the world! It's all those goddam inmates and their beans!"

I suppose if I were more of a "guy" type guy I would find this just immensely funny. Sometimes I do. But since I work in a place that is defined already by it's horrendous stench adding to it in any way is just wrong.

Of course I do have to admit that a strategically laid fart in the right place, say, in the captains office right before you leave or in front of the vending machines or in any small enclosed space you can trap the next person in is just pretty damn funny.

We refer to it as "Talking out your a**." or "Speaking in Dungs."

But when three thousand people are all doing it at the same time...... I suspect that this may be detrimental to our overall health.

And some people seem to take this way too far. I have seen more than one staff member with his entire food service tray piled high with nothing but turkey ham and beans with one or two small pieces of cornbread.

All right, you! Downwind! Now!